Our background was that we met online completely unplanned, I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time but we spoke for a while and I really liked him. Unbeknownst to me he was talking to other women on dating sites, I thought he was only talking to me and when I found out accidentally it broke me. We’d met up a lot by that time and really got to know each other and built a bond. He hadn’t done anything wrong as we weren’t in a relationship, he didn’t hide it I just never asked if he was single/dating so it was my own fault. I was in the clouds with infatuation and assumed he felt the same. We kept talking as I did really like him as a person but I was hurt that he didn’t see me as ‘dating material’ over the others, and found it hard to see him in the same light.
Roll on some more time and he stopped talking to other women, came off the dating apps and we continued talking as friends again. He built the trust back and we ended up having some fun days and nights out together. The feelings came back and I really embarrassed myself after a few drinks by begging him to be my boyfriend and declaring my love. He turned me down.
We stopped talking for a while, I got in a better place with my self esteem and stopped begging people to like me, love me etc as I knew this was a factor in me being single. I never stopped thinking about him though, I did genuinely have feelings I hadn’t had with anyone before, but knowing he didn’t feel the same made me feel like a heartbroken teen.
We did eventually end up in a relationship a year later, although rocky at first we did finally find happiness with each other.
Except for me I feel like he settled. Maybe he couldn’t find anyone else and knew I was desperately in love with him so he got with me for the sake of it. That feeling has never gone many years later. That time of our lives feels tarnished and I find myself mulling over it and getting upset occasionally. He assures me he feels the same, that he needed more time when we got together and that he does love me now, but you never really know do you?
We had issues around sex where he either couldn’t get an erection or wasn’t interested for months at a time. To me that spelt out he wasn’t attracted to me.
There have been times I’ve told him I want to split up because my self esteem makes me feel worthless to him, that he doesn’t make me feel wanted or loved and I can only assume it’s because he settled with the wrong woman. I then wonder if he ever thinks about the other women he dated and wished he was with them instead of me. Each time he begged us to stay together and he’d try harder.
We’re mostly happy now, we have our moments like all couples, I wish he’d do more but I know that’s just him he isn’t romantic or affectionate. I just worry I am wasting all my years with someone who deep down has never loved me and stays for convenience. It’s never been the relationship I envisioned for myself, although I know a lot in my mind is just movie fantasy crap.
We have a house together and I know we genuinely love each other, I just can’t get to grips with the fact I’ll never experience someone loving me and wanting to be with me without having been begged.
Has anyone else had a situation like this and how did it work out?
Have you settled in a relationship and can shed some light?
i know I’m bound to get replies that he’s not into me and LTB but I made my choice and we’re 7 years in now so it’s not fresh, it’s just a lingering sadness I can’t get rid of.