Never thought I would end up in this situation

[Chicken333]

I am 19 years old, and I feel like I am still really young and it’s really hard for me to cope with this situation. As someone with mental health issues it really really affects me and I just don’t know how to cope. I know it will get better. I come from an abusive home that I had to move out of when I was 18. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years so when I moved in with my now ex boyfriend it seemed like a great idea. He was my safe space and I went to him to be get away from abuse. When I moved in we were already together for over a year and lived with each other for almost 2 years. Everything was great. But for a while now he just changed. He started calling me names, started getting aggressive, would grab me when we got into arguments and leave me bruises. I loved him so much and also felt like I had no choice as I didn’t really have a place to stay. We got an apartment together with all the promises that he will improve. I know some people will ask what have I done to make him act like this. Realistically, I would stand up for myself if he did something I didn’t like, like speak to me in a bad way. It hurts because I felt like he started taking all his frustration over me but I knew he was once a good guy so I believed him when he kept promising me he will change. I gave chance after chance but I finally left. The breaking point was the fact that I found videos on his phone naked in bed with another woman that he took to his sisters house. The worst thing is he keeps denying it saying he was drunk and doesn’t remember anything. He even told me a pathetic excuse that they didn’t even have sex they just got undressed. He makes me feel sick as I genuinely tried to give him all my heart. He hasn’t considered I’m a human being at all who struggles now that this has happened because of my living situation. I’ve been sleeping on the floor because I hate him for doing this to me. I’m currently trying to find some place to move into. But I feel so fragile and exhausted after giving this man all my love. He keeps begging for me back saying he’ll change again and he’ll be better and that he loves me. I don’t know why he bothers doing that anymore since he clearly doesn’t love me. I feel so fragile at the moment. I know it will get better but I hate the fact I still have to talk to him, I just want to move on with my life and never see him again. I just don’t understand what I did wrong for him to change into this evil person I don’t recognise

You did nothing wrong.
This is not your fault.
The world is full of nasty people who will start to abuse you as soon as they find the chance, meaning you've become too dependant on them or attached to them to leave.
He was one of these people. Sadly, he's not the first you've encountered.

Good for you for breaking the cycle and ending the relationship before the abuse escalated any further.

You can't stop people from mistreating you. You can stop them from doing it a second time, because you should have left by then.
You can't make people treat you lovingly, just by being loving yourself. It doesn't work that way. Some people are broken and can't be "loved" into becoming better.
Be safe. Expect better for yourself and don't settle for less than what you're worth. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of happiness.

I know some people will ask what have I done to make him act like this.

No one will ask you that. No one who cares about you anyway.

It was his choice to do it.

Well done for looking for somewhere to move to. Don't accept this behaviour.

Oh, and you didn't do anything to make him change. This was always who he was. He just kept it hidden.

The mistake would be staying and waiting for the old him to return. That pretend version of him is gone for good. What you are seeing now is the real him.

Read this over and over.

It's absolutely right and what I wish someone had told me when I was your age.

My life would look very different if they had!

It’s not you. Some people just get dealt a shit hand, for no reason nor rhyme. Try to find somewhere else to go, or at least start to get your ducks in a row. You’ve learnt a lesson here, sometimes love is not enough and people change so always have a back up plan, never be financially vulnerable.

Find a house share ASAP if your own place would be too expensive. Or lodge with somebody.
That you are still on his floor and not moved out says to me that you have a lack of friends maybe, or have you not asked them if you could temporarily stop over?
I hope you haven't made your ex your world, forsaken all friendships for him. If you have, that shows that you are vulnerable, he always knew it, and has probably been controlling all along. You just didn't see it as you are used to poor treatment, that is what makes you vulnerable. Unfortunately, some people prey on the vulnerable and are even attracted by it, which means that you are more likely than most to get taken advantage of.
The best you can do is move on on your own, draw a line under it. Don't date for a good while, practice self-reliance, it will be good for you to become more independent. Never chuck your lot in for any man, maintain friendships, and independence. Focus on work, perhaps some training. It's good you've taken steps already, keep on the path to independence and nurture your own resilience. Then you might find a healthy relationship in time. You have years for that though, no rush, do not go straight to the next man who shows interest. Controlling men take on the vulnerable, you will only get offers from these types, until you achieve true independent living.

Just sending you a big Mummy handhold and admiration that you are being strong and making plans to get away from him. You are maturing and growing up and being very brave. Well done for standing your ground.

He is no good for you and when you do move out, make sure he doesn’t come crawling back into your life at your new place. Leopards don’t change their spots. Look after yourself. Be brave. You are number one. Remember that. 💜

This is not on you! He has chosen this path and you didn’t cause it.
You have had to learn some tough lessons in love at a young age but you’ve handled it brilliantly. Now rise up like the lioness you are and tell him to sod off out of your life for good.

When you're young you always think you "made someone" treat you a certain way.

When you get older you'll realise ... (in
the nicest possible way, I mean) that
you don't have that much power or influence!!

They are who they are, they act how they act, their character is what it is. Sometimes people ,(especially they are very young) change a bit/mature/or maybe just do what they want to do and check the boxes and feel they don't need to keep doing it (whatever motivates them at the time e.g. shagging around).... But mostly people don't change much.

You never made him do anything and it's not your fault or responsibility.

It also takes time to get to know someone properly. At a lot older than you (35) I got into a relationship with a man I thought was wonderful.... Things started showing differently at 3 months in, but I kept seeing him ... . by a year and a bit in, I knew he was an abuser. In retrospect he was actually a much worse abuser than I even realised at the time. It takes time for people to show themselves, you don't know them at the start. Most people seem very nice.

Can you not get into a house share?

This.

It doesn't matter what you did, or if you did anything, because his behaviour wouldn't be acceptable no matter the situation.

Your focus needs to be on getting out, not on the causes of his behaviour. All that matters is your safety, and that means distance from him. He will not change, no matter what he says.