Great guy and everything I would want but no connection/chemistry

[HollieTalbut1997]

I was recently set up on a date by a colleague (with one of her friends). I’ve been single for a few years so was nervous. The guy is great, he’s everything I would ask for from a man, the type who’d be loyal and thoughtful, has a good career and a hard worker and is close with his family. On paper he is exactly the sort of man I want to be with.
However, we’ve been on 3 dates now and I just don’t feel like there is any chemistry there and I couldn’t see it really turning into anything beyond a friendship. The first date was great and I thought there was potential. The next two dates I just felt like I was with a friend and it wasn’t going anywhere.

I feel like we can’t keep going on dates when I don’t feel like there is potential really. I'm probably overthinking it but now feel like I’m never gonna find what I’m actually looking for with a partner.

Ahhh this is the really annoying thing about life and dating… sometimes you find a great ‘perfect’ guy but no chemistry, then the guys you find great chemistry with have loads of negatives in other ways… I don’t know the answer OP but it’s hard. Have you kissed? 3 dates is enough to know if there’s anything there, if you’re not feeling it then tell him the spark is missing and move on I think!

I think 3 dates is enough to know if there’s any potential even if you’re not quite there yet so I do think it’s not worth pursuing more dates at this stage.

It is frustrating though when you meet someone who is a great bloke but there’s no spark.

If you don't fancy someone, they're a friend.

It's irrelevant what they bring to the table on paper because this is about romance, not a meeting with your bank.

I met a guy on OLD who was absolutely perfect in every way...except I just didn't fancy him.
Went on a few more dates and as I got to know him I began to find him more and more attractive.
We're very happily married now with a 3 yo little girl together ❤️

Have you kissed yet? If no, I would try that first. It was the only way I was going to find out whether I had chemistry with my now partner (we met OLD). I knew that I would know from the kiss!

Could it be that he’s such a decent guy that he’s holding back a bit and it’s making him seem a bit boring?

If that is a possibility and you’re attracted him, it might still work if he relaxes a bit. If you don’t find him attractive, it’ll never work. Don’t try to force it because ‘on paper’ it makes sense. Attraction doesn’t work like that. You could still meet someone next week who is the right one for you.