My husband and my parents

[Strawberry06]

Been with husband for 13 years, married for 2 and just had our first (and only) baby (5 weeks)

Anyway long story short I've always felt caught in the middle between my parents and my husband.

My parents are in their mid 70s and quite right wing, read the daily Mail, watch GB news etc. husband, although not a lefty, hates talking about politics (rightly so) but somehow uses it as a vendetta against them!

They've been really good to us/him. They let us move back in with them so we could save for our house, gave us money towards our house and wedding and have contributed a lot towards home renovations and our baby. In no way is this to 'buy' us they are simply very generous and just want/like to help us.

While DH gets on with them face to face, he always slates them to me and it annoys me cause he seems to forget we wouldn't be where we are today without their help and I feel he should have a bit more respect.

On the other hand, he just told me recently he's been referred for ADHD diagnosis as an adult and to be honest it didn't come as a shock to me. Sometimes when he speaks to me in front of my parents it will come across to them like he's speaking to me like dirt but it's the ADHD which they don't know about.

My mum often speaks to me about things he's said but I kind of brush it off cause I'm aware.

Anyway now that we have our son, emotions are high and I'm exhausted trying to keep the peace between everyone.

Adhd does not make a person a cunt.

More likely your husband has npd or some similar sort of shitty personality and is doing what they all like to do when you start wising up - claiming to be 'ill' with depression or, in this case, a nonsense excuse like adhd.

Why you've stayed with a man who doesn't respect you, only you know. But having a kid is not more reason to stay with him. Its more reason to ruuuuuun!

His sort like to create drama with your family to make you feel you have to choose sides. Ultimately you end up seeing less and less of your famiily just to avoid drama from him/being embarrassed by his bad behaviour.

Often abuse ramps up when you're pregnant and have kids with them.

Do not stay with anyone who 'talks to you like dirt'. Get out of there before your son learns its ok to talk to you that way too. Or to talk to women like that in general. He deserves a healthy, happy, safe mum. Who is free from abuse.

Your partner is a bad person. See it.
And act accordingly by getting as far away from him as fast as possible. Hold on tightly to your mother, she sounds wonderful and is trying to help you. She knows what he is. Listen to her.

ADHD doesn't cause people to speak to people like dirt. So that's no way an excuse.

He doesn't sound very nice I'm afraid. I don't really like my in-laws much, but they're decent people and generous. I wouldn't dream of EVER talking badly of them. Out of respect for them, but mostly out of love and respect for my dh. It doesn't speak very highly of your husband that he feels like he can opening slate your parents to you. He should know that it's hurtful and most loving spouses don't want to hurt their partner.

To reiterate- its not ashd making your partner a nasty abusive asshole.

He might have adhd AND be a nasty abusive arsehole. But it's not the cause. Frankly, it's insulting if he's using that as a reason.

And even if it was the cause, its not an excuse. Nor is it reason to stay. There is no excuse for abuse and you don't owe a man who treats you and your parents like shit anything. Not.a.thing.

Your loyalty should be to your family who treat you with respect and your child, who deserves a healthy, happy home and mother.

The story so far.

Your parents are kind generous and supportive

Your husband is ungrateful behind their backs and rude to you in front of them.

He's not covering himself in glory.

Nothing to do with ADHD. He's just a crappy person. Stop making excuses for him.

He sounds very ungrateful and not very pleasant .
What have his parents done for you , is he equally as rude about them