What kind of therapist should I look for?

[WispasAreNicerThanFlakes]

Can anyone advise me please? I finally feel ready to explore some things with a therapist but I don’t really know where to start.

I thought if I outlined what I struggle with and what I think the cause might be someone may be able to point me in the right direction.

I really lack self confidence. I cannot put myself forward in meetings for fear of making a mistake.

I am scared of ridicule and if I am forced to contribute I blush deeply. My lovely team ignore this which does help a bit but the fear of blushing is holding me back just as much as the blushes are.

I over think. I will explore every possible worst case scenario to the bitter end and end up doing nothing because I feel so overwhelmed.

I fear confrontation and if I feel a conflict is going to arise I will shake. I can be verbally aggressive and accelerate what should be calm discussions. This is often me taking things personally.

I’ve worked very hard in my chosen career. I have an excellent reputation and my CV is impressive. I want to go for promotion but I don’t think I have the personal qualities because of what I’ve listed above.

I would like to explore this with a therapist with the aim of finding strategies to help me manage the physical responses and the mental fears.

I believe the source of this is the horrible life I had with my sister growing up. I was constantly criticised, mocked and scorned.
Nothing was off limits- my appearance, my friends, the way I walked, my taste in music, my food choices, books I read etc etc etc
I became so secretive that I didn’t even tell my mother when I started my periods for three months.

My sister and I are now estranged and I’m not seeking closure or god forbid to heal the relationship.

Thank you if you got to the end, I was not expecting to write that much!

I would suggest psychotherapy.
I suffered from Social anxiety and many of your symptoms were familiar.
Psychotherapy was very helpful but it can take a long time.
What was your relationship with your parents like as they would normally be more impactful than siblings.
Is your sister older?
Do you have a critical inner voice?

I looked into a few types and thought that integrative psychotherapy would suit me ‐ a 'what works' approach. I was lucky with my therapist and saw her for almost 5 years. It has really changed things for me.

Thank you replying.

Yes my sister is older. My parents were loving and kind but worked long hours. My sister and I were latch key kids so it was just the two of us after school and during the school holidays.

I can understand her behaviour and resentment. I just need to recover from it now!

I will look into psychotherapy thank you.