Hung up on cheat

[Melonpapaya]

Maybe hung up is the wrong term, but I feel like I can’t move forward from my last relationship, which ended in December.

After months of noticing red flags, and my ex trying to make me feel crazy for having suspicions about him cheating, I found evidence that he had been cheating with multiple women - while we were planning our future together, including trying for a baby. I ended things, and haven’t spoken to him since.

There was a huge amount of manipulation from him, and I still feel like I’m reeling from it all. As much as I know he is a dreadful, dishonest person, and I know logically I’m far better off without him, I feel so lonely and sad.

I have a DC from a previous relationship which complicates things - DC dad has had minimal involvement recently, and I don’t ever really have a break from parenting.

My sister used to help out loads with DC when I had social plans or work - but she is unwell and cannot help with childcare at the moment. Losing this support tied in with my breakup from my ex, so all at once I lost my relationship, social life, support with DC and everything just feels really shit. DC father also became really shit at the same time.

If I had a good support network I genuinely believe I’d be over my horrible cheating ex, but I feel really stuck emotionally and mentally because of my circumstances.

So my life feels very small and sad at the moment. If anyone has any words of wisdom on how to cope and move past this, they’d be very welcome.

Focus on your lovely child and feel very very relieved that you did not have a baby with your cheating fucker ex - at least this way you get a clean break. Will your sister's health improve?

Thank you, I really am trying to make the best of things, planning nice things to do with DC and being glad I’m not constantly anxious and tiptoeing around a lying cheat.

Her health will likely improve but it’s not great at the moment- it’s a long term MH issue which is managed very well 90% of the time, but 10% of the time she is very unwell and needs a lot of support from professionals for her to get better. She seems to be on the mend at the moment but I wouldn’t want to put any pressure on her with childcare requests anytime soon, as she needs to focus that energy on herself

What would make you feel better, in an ideal world?

Having the childcare to have even just one evening off per week which I could plan nice things for - seeing friends, going for a meal or drink, just a bit of time I could set aside to plan adult company.

I feel like my life is on pause, while he swans off happy as anything. I know I shouldn’t give a shit about him or his life, it’s just so frustrating I feel in limbo when he was so horrible towards me.

So your issue is basically childcare?

What would 1 evening a week give you? What are the elements, emotionally, that that would help you with? I'm trying to see this from an emotional perspective, rather than a practical one. For example, if what you need is to feel understood/heard, are there other ways of doing this that could be done without getting childcare?