I need support

[ThisIsMyNameOkay]

TW: some end of life trigger words.

I've just started my dream job as a suicide intervention worker. I myself have had end of life thoughts and struggles since I was 8 (I'm not 30) and I wanted to help people. As naive as it may sound, I could never realise how intense the job position is. I love it but it's devastating and draining and brings up quite a few traumas for me, however I refuse to give up. The issue I have right now is, I think it's shown me that I'm not happy in my relationship. He literally gives me 0 support. He never has. I've always been the 'mum' who cooks, cleans and builds him up when shitty things are going on in his life. I've realised that the only way I can do this job is if I have support at home. Having someone there who atleast asks me about my day and will let me vent a little. He's just not that. It's quite heartbreaking. Today for example, I needed support, it's been so tough and he sent me a really shitty text basically saying 'I told you so'. To which I responded 'that's really not supportful and loving, perhaps next time you could say I'm doing well and it'll get better and say that you love me' to which he copied and pasted my text right back at me, word for word. No thoughts just pasted it and was like 'there you go, there's your supportive text'. I feel completely fucked off from that

He’s a crap partner. He doesn’t sound as though he brings anything to your life, and I’d be focusing on a route towards separation. Once the casual disrespect has set in, it’s incredibly difficult to reverse - and it doesn’t sound as though he’s interested in doing so, anyway.

However, most people who work in roles like yours access professional emotional support - your manager / somebody in the organisation, therapists etc - to help them manage the stress and traumatic experiences it involves, rather than expecting it of friends and family who aren’t trained and usually don’t have the skills required to help you decompress and work through the difficult situations you’re put in and things you have to hear about. You need to speak with your manager about what’s available to you.

Yeah, that's very condescending and unsupportive.

Thank you so much for your input. We're a divided prevention charity so I have to work for a year before I'm allowed onto the mental health plan so I'm attempting to keep strong and take meditation routes however your response has made me realise you're right I can't rely on people without that training to offer me the correct support so that helps a lot. I think I was just hoping for atleast general support. Like a hug when I cry or something lol. Thank you again xx

Thank you so much! That's how I'm feeling and I second guessed and thought I was overreacting xx

Don't waste another day in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Get rid of him.

What a nasty response when you just asked for a bit of kindness.

I'm sorry he's like this. Maybe it's time to initiate the duck protocol.

In other words, get your ducks in a row and end your relationship. He sounds like he'd drain the joy out of anything.

You sound a lovely caring person op who is trying their hardest to do a really difficult and important job.
He sounds like a moron.
You deserve so much better.

And well done, and thank you, for the work you're doing.

Two separate problems here, OP.

Your workplace sounds rather unsupportive, unless I've misunderstood. Surely there's some kind of backup for staff in their first year, some training in how to cope with this very stressful work? If not, I'd reconsider working for them. They shouldn't be throwing people in at the deep end. Of all organisations, you'd expect one dealing with suicide to be more sensitive to people's needs.

2, your partner sounds hopeless. Maybe he tried to talk you out of taking this very demanding job, and now feels resentful at having to help you deal with it? Maybe it's triggering for him? You need to talk it through seriously with him. If he's just refusing to help you, you might be better off without him.