He's a bad texter - is it doomed?

[YourGreenRaven]

Hey ladies, am in need of your wisdom.

I turned 30 last month, after having come out of a serious relationship a few months prior. I'm back dating on the apps - I had a super first date with this guy last week, conversation flowed, lots of laughter.

He messaged me the morning after asking if we wanted to go out again, he suggested going out on a Saturday evening (to me, "giving up" a weekend evening is a sign someone is keen). But he takes 9-10 hours to get back to me on WhatsApp when I can see that he's been online. He hasn't responded to my last message - which didn't require a response - but he also hasn't even opened it.

Have you had experiences in the very early stages of dating when someone is a terrible texter but they're still interested / did it improve? Is this disrespectful? Do I just need to chill out?

I have done a lot of OLD and I must admit that every time I've given a 'bad texter' the benefit of the doubt, it's turned out to be a waste of time.

Some people aren't that into their phones, but it seems like your guy is on and off WhatsApp all day and it's just you he doesn't feel the need to respond to?

Some may see this as juvenile (and I am only 27!) but in my eyes, if someone is interested they want to communicate with you often - they're excited to. If I'm dating someone I'm into I respond whenever I have time at work - so whenever I'm on my phone. My boyfriend was the same during early dating.

No harm continuing to date him to see if it improves, but I'd also be keeping my options open!

I was seeing someone like this recently. I came to the conclusion that he just wasn't that into me. It's shitty feeling like you're doing all of the chasing. I wouldn't bother again.

Agree with the two PPs. If someone is interested in you and has a phone, they will text / ring you. The usual "I've just been so busy with work" lines are always trotted out but come on, we live in 2024. Absolutely everyone, in pretty much any line of work, goes on their phones at points during the day - even just when they nip to the loo or go and make a brew. My DP has an extremely busy, physical job but from day one of dating has always sent me a quick message on his break / lunch to let me know he's thinking of me. I heard someone on TV / social media (?!) say recently "If he wanted to, he would". It really is as simple as that.

If he wasn't much of a texter he wouldn't be going on and off WhatsApp all day. My current relationship he wasn't a huge texter at the beginning but as we got more involved and I explained I liked more communication between dates he definitely ramped it up to a place we were both happy. But on the whole if someone wants to chat to you they find the time.

Not a good sign he hasn't read it and you sent it last week? sorry I'd write this one off, even if he did come back to you, sounds like his style of communication would be painstakingly slow, from experience the ones that don't like communicating inbetween dates only want to casually date you without building a connection with you inbetween (non committal) or just not interested.

No, people make time for what's important to them.

Quite recently, I cancelled on an agreed date for a similar reason. I'm not expecting to receive hourly essays but when someone leaves very long gaps in between messages, it's too difficult to build up rapport.