Lying?

[danid26]

Hi everyone, very long story short I am in the weirdest situation of my life. I've been with my DH for 14 years, we had a baby 8 months ago. We went to a birthday party at the end of Nov, and we both at the same time met a woman there. We did not know her before this. She then added my DH on snapchat the next day, and there had been some conversation. A few weeks later this woman had told all of our friends that her and my DH had been having a passionate affair while my husband was meant to be at work (my husband is an outdoor worker and works with people all the time). My friends obviously told me, I questioned my DH on this as I was clearly very upset to hear this, and I also questioned this woman. She gaslighted me saying she had never said such a thing, and treated me like I was crazy for asking denying she ever said anything and just said shes having a hard time at the moment, and DH stayed very calm and supportive and was willing to assist in any investigations I was doing, as far as him messaging her husband telling him what his wife has been saying and also letting me go through everything on his phone (yes she is also married) DH story has not changed throughout me questioning him, he also doesn't appear guilty. I downloaded his snapchat data, to further investigate, there was nothing incriminating there, he is also never out the house unless he is working, the rest of the time we're raising our child, very happily. At the time he was allegedly having this affair, he was obviously at work, but behaviour wise, everything was great! Literally no different to normal.

I'm just so confused of why someone would say something like this?? Make it make sense! It's literally destroying me.

You haven’t actually told us what DH has said. Has he now blocked her on everything?

That aside, sounds to me like she’s a bit nuts and likes to get attention from people by making exciting stories up and doesn’t think about any consequences. I’ve met a couple of these types and it is baffling.

Also it sounds like she was trying to give you the impression that she’s stressed or having troubles as an excuse for making this all up.

If there’s no evidence at all and you believe DH then please move on. Don’t have anything at all to do with her again. Don’t be surprised if she makes stuff up about you next. Some people are just idiots.

Her poor husband.

@Catoo thanks for your response! DH has denied the entire thing, and said he would never do something like that too me and if he wanted too cheat he would leave! It's just been absolutely horrific, its given me such anxiety, and I can't seem too settle! I do believe him, but have this horrible fear of being hurt. He has blocked her on everything, as have I, so there is no way of getting hold of us! Her husband did find out, and believed they were having some sort of affair, despite this woman even denying it to her own husband!

I totally agree, I do need too move on, it's just a niggle if you know what I mean?

From what you’ve said OP I think she’s a compulsive liar /drama type. The fact she didn’t seek to connect with you on social media and just your DH shows her intentions weren’t great. Maybe she likes making her OH jealous?

I know one woman who does this. She’s married to a nice man. Tells people tales of all the affairs she has. Sometimes almost within hearing distance of her H. It’s all nonsense.

Don’t let it affect your relationship with DH. Seek some therapy/GP help with the anxiety if it continues.

💐

Also meant to ask if you managed to see the Snapchat chats they had? Ages since I used it do things still disappear?!

If that all seems innocent and there’s nothing else on his phone then more reasons to think she’s making this up.

I would though, probably have words with OH not to accept social media requests from women you just met especially if they don’t try to make friends with you too! Sigh

@Catoo Thank you so much for your advice, it's really settled me. I think I just don't understand it because I would never do this too someone else! 🩷 There certainly are some strange people out there!

So shes made up an affair citing your husband do you think it is because shes looking to get out of her own marriage or somehow make herself look more wanted to her hubbie if a failing marriage?

I've noticed this sort of thing before although it's rare, you know, where a woman meets a man and seems to develop feelings wayyy too fast? I have no idea what this is or what causes it, I'm sure that there must be some mental condition to describe this, but could this have been the case here, OP? That she's developed an interest and created a sort of fantasy world involving your husband?

@Psychoticbreak it's certainly possible! Unfortunately neither me or hubby know this woman so we have no idea of her life nor character. It's just a horrible thing too hear I think, but I suppose no evidence is always a good thing?

@Vanessasbag I've absolutely heard of things like this happening! It's just so bizzare, I've never known of it happening too anyone else, (or that I've been told anyway) it could absolutely be the case! I think it just rocks everything doesn't it! Although no evidence, you also don't want be the 'naive' wife! It's so odd! Xx

You’re welcome OP. Your husband sounds like a good one. The fact he contacted the husband suggests to me that had had no guilt and wanted to cut the rumours dead. TBH her husband has probably heard it all before. Maybe they have a dynamic where they wind each other up to keep each other interested?

Enjoy your life with your hardworking OH and your baby.
💐

What did her husband say to you?

Why does he think there is something going on?

Cheaters lie - they all say ‘I wouldn’t cheat, I’d leave’. It’s basic cheating talk.

I would want to speak to her husband and find out why he thinks there was something going on.

@Myopicglass I spoke too her husband as well! He said he found a message from his wife too my husband telling him that she liked him! But that he wants to forget any of it ever happened and wants to draw a line under it.

I'm just so lost, I don't know how too feel! As I said, I've found no evidence but also don't want to be that naive wife

Did he find any messages from your husband? Have you actually spoken to the husband (rather than text)?

Does your husband normally add women he meets at parties on snap chat? Personally I wouldn’t add a married man I just met on snap chat (if I had Snapchat), I would feel I was crossing a boundary.

When she sent him the flattering message Did your husband say ‘hey Danid Samantha from the party sent some weird message saying she likes me on snap chat, here’s the message, I’ve blocked her but I want to show you as I am not happy she sent this to me’.

Or did he only confess this after your friends/the husband showed you. If it’s the latter I would not be happy as it appears your husband hid her flirtatious texts which were blowing smoke up his arse and making his ego soar.

Also doesn’t snap chat delete messages - how did her husband find this message?

That husband has heard it all before. That’s why he wants to leave it.
He knows it’s BS

Maybe she’s told a made up story to a friend or two in a sad attempt to make her life sound more interesting. Unfortunately for her it’s been passed around and got back to you both. Probably wasn’t expecting that so she’s doubling down on all the denials. I’d follow the story back from how it got to you from her mouth. Who told your friend etc.

I used to work in pubs and we’d see this kinda drama often. Both the affairs and naive partners and the deluded and bored folks who made up drama and freaked out when actually called out on it.

i think she is a nut … saw ur happy life and wanted to make it unhappy …. Some people are plain wicked and want what others have … they can’t get that so try and derail or ruin relationships , trust etc . It sounds your husband did nothing wrong but he’s getting kicked from all sides and I understand that had too happen. Do not let this nobody woman destroy what you have as always I recommend be fierce