How to deal with this rage

[wheo]

Going through a break up currently, I instigated it as haven't been happy for ages and had to accept he will never change.

The past few days I have felt incensed with rage, about things that he has done, things I regret allowing to happen etc. I'm having dreams about it and waking up furious and now I can't concentrate during the day. I'm just so so angry

Any tips for dealing with this?? I'm playing netball this evening so hoping that will get some frustration out, but worried I'll have these dreams again.

Honestly, I think if you find you literally cannot deal with it, it's worth considering a small amount of therapy. Just to have someone to rant to about it. And to explore, in a safe, non judgemental environment, how you got where you did and what you can do to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Oh, and well done on ending it. So often people dont' get out of bad relationships becuase they feel like they've already put so much work in, that they shouldn't end it.

Maybe it might help to journal it out? Doesn’t matter if it makes no sense just write what you feel. You could then perhaps burn it/shred it as a symbolic way of letting go of the feelings?

When you feel better and ready make a list of positive things you are looking forward to now that you are free from the situation.

Well done on ending things. The anger will pass eventually. Live life well and don’t hold on to the anger as it’ll be you it’s hurting the most.

The anger is natural when all the horrid things he did are in your head and he's seemingly 'got away' with it.

You need to feel the anger to come out of the other side. Physical exertion often helps lessen the frustration.

Ps. congrats on dumping a wrong 'un.

Thanks all

I feel like in the last few weeks the fog has truly lifted and I am just remembering more and more examples of shitty behaviour. It's so frustrating that he will never understand how wrong he has been, but I know there is nothing I can do to about this! I spent two years begging him to change so he's not going to miraculously realise his wrongdoings now!

I am seeing a therapist once every two weeks, and will be speaking with her on how to best manage this. Journaling sounds like a good idea.

I often say that I think books, movies and tv have a lot to answer for. In those, the hero always gets closure. the bad guy understands what they did wrong and/or are punished.

But in real life, it doesn't work like that. Lots of people who are shitty and/or abusive are that way because they just genuinely think that's their right. So, for example, a misogynist man is always going to be a misogynist man who will constantly not understand why his partner is upset that he doesn't step up, expects her to do certain things, gets annoyed if he prioritises himself etc because he truly and honestly believes he has the right to do those things.

Many violent men will excuse their violent behaviour because "she made me do it" or "she wouldn't shut up" or whatever.

Lazy men will justify not helping at home because they truly think that "I work hard all day, why should I have to clean the kitchen when I don't even care if we eat off paper plates or normal ones?"

etc etc etc.

So you just have to accept that whatever behaviour precipitated this decision on your part is probably not something he's going to sort out.

This has summed it up perfectly. Just went for a very brisk walk which has calmed me down a bit 😂😂