To pluck up the courage and start from scratch

[LamiaK]

Hello!

My husband and I separated 3 years ago and are currently divorcing. We share 5 year old DD. 7-year marriage was like living in hell. Ex was immensely abusive, manipulative, controlling, you name it and on ALL levels. Sadly, a lot of damage was done💔.

Anyway, I have vowed to never date again due to my horrendous experience with the evil ex. But, as of recently, I started to take care of myself, dress better, wear makeup etc. and as a result have been getting male attention (mostly at work), it weirdly feels nice and is helping with my confidence. This made me think about the possibility of dating again, however, I'm worried about opening up and backing down when things get intense/deep, primarily because I'm terrified of getting hurt again. I also now find myself to be slightly awkward with men who have shown an interest in me which is maybe off putting.

I must also note, my husband was the only man I've ever been with. We met when I was 20.

I'd love to read ideas/stories from those who have dated again after experiences similar to mine.

I did a LOT of dating after divorce. Bumble. Most progressed no further than first date. Eventually met casual BF. I was super picky and kept my standards and boundaries up so high I'm surprised anyone got through 🤣

But overall I have only partially recovered from heartbreak, I can't trust anyone enough to be an actual partner.

I would also suggest as part of your recovery from your ex's abuse you enrol yourself on to the Freedom Programme. This can be done in person or online but if you can do this in person its ideal. Contacting Womens Aid here could be beneficial to you also.

You need time and space to heal as does your child. Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, have taken a battering and are damaged and that can make you more vulnerable to approaches from other abusers. Love your own self for a change and seek therapy to rebuild your boundaries and life. You can and will date again.