Fibbed about his age

[j3niam]

I've just found out that my partner has spent the last 10 years hiding the fact that he's actually 3 years older than he said he was! I thought he was 5 years older but it's actually 8 years!
I spotted something randomly online last year and told him they'd got his DOB wrong and he just agreed it must be an error but didn't seem bothered so I just assumed it was an error.
Then about 3 months ago I found his passport. Opened it up to see what his photo was like and noticed the DOB was also not what I thought!! I just assumed it was another mistake but did think I'd bring it up at some point. I remembered again this week and mentioned it. After a bit of trying to change the subject he finally told me he's actually older, I didn't actually believe him so he said look at his driving licence in his wallet... 8 years older!!
Apparently he told me that at the start and there was never a good time to fess up!?!?!OMG it's so weird. I can't believe that he managed to go along with it for so long or that I never spotted anything. I'm not really one for snooping so that's probably why!
The weirdest thing about it all is he's so opinionated about how he hates liars and how I should always be open and honest, so for this reason in particular it doesn't sit quite right with me.
Is this weird or am I overthinking it??

Happened to me too with a decade older than he was saying

He brushed off and minimised it saying age is just a number, it makes no difference, it doesn't affect anything anyway

It did. And how tf am I meant to trust when you lie on something apparently so insignificant to you and maintain it over the course of our relationship?

It was the end, but thankfully so. That was only one of the many many many lies to unravel

Yes it's weird and pay attention

You're so difficult to just tell the truth to?

No I doubt it, but that's what he's saying...

I would suggest it’s the tip of the iceberg, one of many lies.

It may just be an insecurity issue, but if you spot another 'fib' id be assuming he isn't honest

I don’t understand how he kept this secret for 10 years.

Did he not have any birthday parties with family and friends where his age came up? Surely his mother mentioned his age at some point?! Did he never get a card with his age on?

Have you never met school or university friends who spoke about how old they were? Or in what years they started school?

Have you never had to fill out a form for him a book a flight for him where you needed his DOB?

It baffles me this has gone on for 10 years. I know someone who told a lie about his age to a date and said after he told the lie he felt like age was suddenly coming up in every conversation.

In 10 years he's never had a big birthday? You've never had to enter his DoB on a form? Or by "partner" do you mean he's just a boyfriend and you don't share a home or finances or anything official.

In 10 years theres never been a big birthday or anything?

Good questions! It baffles me too!! I'm normally a great detective (even if I do say so myself!), but I think because he's always made such a deal out of never lying I kind of never thought he would!

He doesn't see school friends, just people from work and I don't think they ever really discuss ages....or haven't in front of me.

No bday cards with any ages on (although maybe those ones didn't make it onto the mantel piece).

He didn't want to do anything big for his 59th (or should we say "50th") so I took him and his kids to a nice restaurant. I checked back through my texts to them and I didn't actually say the age (as I assumed they knew what bday it was!). I also texted his best mate to remind him it was his 50th and he didn't question it,
So yeah, he did absolutely nothing for the actual bday and celebrated it 3 years later.

As for flights, or anything else, I just put the DOB that I knew and clearly the airlines never checked as no one ever queried it.

I'm really wondering the same....how the h3ll can I not have realised this but I guess it's not the kind of thing you really question.

50th....not 59th (don't know how to edit a post)

A bf from long ago told me he was 5 years older than me. I was 19 at the time. He left his passport on the kitchen table and I thought it would be a laugh to see his photo. Turned out he was 10 years older.

I confronted him and he said something about him really liking me and I wouldn't go out with him if I knew how old he was. It did give me the slight ick but I was young, stupid and invested, so we carried on.

Anyway he suddenly ended the relationship about six months later. By text! Classy. Then I learned he'd been shagging someone else AND he was being pursued by the police for serious fraud.

So yeah, I agree, beware. It's not just one lie OP. It is probably many more.

Gosh this would drive me insane if someone used this deflection!

It makes no difference, doesn’t affect anything… (eg. why do you care so much, you’re being unreasonable)

Well it obviously does to you or you wouldn’t have lied about it!!!

Yeesh this hypocrisy would make me so 😤

Why would he want to celebrate it 3 years later? He obv didn’t want anything big or his kids would have called him out on it- unless he’s lied to them too.

How long have you been with him for?

How does he justify this deception, which is obviously what it is.

(If he thought you may not have been interested in a man 8 years older he’s manipulated and deceived you.)

Most importantly, how can you ever trust him again?

This would be such a turn off for me, I can’t abide men who lie.

So he's been lying for 10 years and all the while being mr high and mighty over truth telling.

I'd be done after that. And also wondering what other lies he has told

I just don’t understand. How can you have not seen his passport or driving licence in ten years. Surely his children know his age and other members of his family. 🤷‍♀️

There no such thing as a ‘fib’ a lie is a lie regardless of his its dressed up.

Lies are a deal breaker for me. Its not just his age that’s the issue, its the fact he’s spent 10 years knowing he was lying to you - its the long term deception that would mean I couldnt trust a word out of his mouth.

My DSis's ex DH invented a brother who had apparently died in a car accident as a teenager.

He said never to mention it to his parents as they
were so traumatised they couldnt even have a photo up....

He later told her, on separating, that he invented it on date 2 to appear more interesting then obviously couldnt retract. Kept that up for 7 years!

Just urghh.
I don't like much older men chasing younger women and I despise liars.
He's shown you who he is.

No, you're not overthinking it

He's probably vocal about hating liars to hide how much he lies from you, same as those who spend much time mentioning how much they hate cheaters while being the cheaters

The fact you even question if you are overthinking gives away how this man has probably played you all this time

Nobody is so insecure that they won't tell the person they love their real age, in adult relationships.

Honestly I'd probably get rid. It's weird, a bit creepy and I'd be wondering what else he was lying about.

Was he called Nick? :)