I'll start with a little background.
My partner and I have been together 3 years, we are expecting our first baby together. Before me he had a complicated, on again/off again relationship.
They met when she was 18, he was 22, they were travelling and ended up travelling together for 5 months. He then had to come home. He tells me they were never a couple at this point but slept together a lot.
She continued travelling for another year or so. When she came back they were just friends for almost 2 years, they were both in other relationships for the 1st year or so of that. then as she was entering her 3rd year of uni they got into a relationship. They were together for a little over a year.
At the end of her course she told him she wanted to head to Australia for 6 months and stay with her brother (she is half Aussie and this was Covid time) then do her masters abroad (southern hemisphere, January start). He didn't want to move abroad. They broke up, blocked each other on everything. In the April we met (almost a year later) fell madly in love, one of those whirlwind romances.
In the December she messaged him, he had her unblocked on instagram no idea why, but claims he didn't follow her. She said if he was single and wanted to try again she'd come home and if not she was staying, his call.
He told me at the time, it was nerve wracking but he made a big deal out of it, said she decided to leave, I pick you. So this was 2.5 years ago. We haven't spoke about her since nothing.
Last Monday he told me he was meeting a friend for lunch at work. Tbh I was having a stressful day and didn't ask anymore. He did try to tell me about it before he went (I butted in before he finished telling me and said ok? He asked if I wanted to know who or where and I said not really!)
Yesterday he posted a picture on instagram, I noticed she commented on it. So I asked him about it. He said that she was the friend he met. He told me he did try to tell me both before and after but both times I seemed uninterested and was having a terrible day so he didn't push it. I asked if it was really just as friends and he said yes he swears. He told me she's engaged now and happy in Australia, she's just here for a friends wedding.
Well today he's been off all day. I asked what's up and he said nothing nothing nothing. I kept pushing and now he's told me
"I don't want to hurt you but I think I still love her" I knew exactly who he meant.
I asked what he meant. He said he can't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd told her to come home and try again. I asked if he still loved me and still wanted our baby and he replied with "I think so" and I asked what he meant by think so. He said he
Didn't know he is confused and overwhelmed. He said he was going a drive, he hasn't come back yet it's been an hour.
I can't stop crying I don't know what to do and I think I'm looking for a handhold.
It's over right? I can't be with someone who loves someone else and probably always has!!! I'm heartbroken.