Husband’s siblings affecting our marriage

Sammie2006 · 2024-03-24T20:05:15+00:00

Before I got married to my husband he lived in his very large inherited home together with his brother (49) and sister (60). My husband was paying all the household bills and maintenance as well as extra money to his brother who was studying. After getting married we started to live separately in an apartment but he continued to pay the bills of the house where his brother and sister lived as they did not have a regular income according to him (despite sister owning several rental properties). We now have a child of our own and looking to buy a house but because my husband is paying a good chunk of his income towards household bills of the house where his brother and sister live we are really struggling and it’s affecting my relationship with my husband as he loves them too. They both also have an issue of hoarding which they both deny despite the whole house full of clutter. Every time we raise this issue with his brother and sister they emotionally blackmail my husband and say even if they start paying the bills my husband will still have to contribute 1/3 towards the bills. We never stayed a single night in that house and they have also taken over my husband’s portion of the house but they keep saying he is legally responsible for paying 1/3 towards the household bills. Is this correct? What should we do? Any advice would be appreciated.

isthewashingdryyet · 24/03/2024 20:08

Get some legal advice, but I would think he has no responsibility for bills, and they owe him rather a lot of back rent

only the person the bill is sent to has the responsibility for the bill. So unless the gas is in his name he has no reason to pay a penny. Easily checked with the supplier of gas, electricity and water and broadband and so on.

the on,y one I might pay towards in your situation is insurance, but buildings only. The contents are theirs

BrendaSmall · 24/03/2024 20:10

I’d get the two siblings to buy your husband out of the house, if they’re not able to do that it will have to be sold

TraitorsGate · 24/03/2024 20:12

Agree he needs legal advice, what does the will say about the house, don't they need to buy his share if he moved out, can't see why he should pay their bills.

Viewfrommyhouse · 24/03/2024 20:12

It would be prudent for him to pay a third towards any maintenance/upkeep, but absolutely no one is responsible for another adults bills! What was the split in the will? Was it as simple as a third each? If so, he needs to get them to buy him out or force a sale. With respect, you don't have a siblings problem, you have a husband problem. He needs to get more informed and stop being such a soft touch.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/03/2024 20:12

Are you in the U.K.

What the previous respondent has written. Your husband’s error here was to continue to pay what became their bills to pat when he moved out. He probably feels a great deal of both obligation and guilt re his siblings but these two need to stand in their own two feet now. He cannot continue to enable them as he has done because that has only given him a false sense of control.

Epidote · 24/03/2024 20:20

Bills are paid by the people that live in the house/use those utilities, if not all the landlords would have to pay the bills of the house they rent because they are the owners.
Your husband siblings are taking the piss.
If I were him I would try to force a sell if they don't want to buy his share in the house, elegidly he should own a third of it. Unless that there is a will that said different.

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 20:43

Husband owns third of the house according to the will but he is not really bothered about his share at this stage as both his siblings don’t want to buy it off him but want him to continue paying the bills. Husband says he feels guilty if he stops paying the bills as they will never speak to him again. But this situation is affecting us financially and my husband is having to choose either me or his family. Should I let him continue paying their bills? I just don’t know what to do as my husband has gone into depression because of this and it’s affecting me deeply.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 20:44

Epidote · 24/03/2024 20:20

Bills are paid by the people that live in the house/use those utilities, if not all the landlords would have to pay the bills of the house they rent because they are the owners.
Your husband siblings are taking the piss.
If I were him I would try to force a sell if they don't want to buy his share in the house, elegidly he should own a third of it. Unless that there is a will that said different.

Thank you for your advice. Husband owns third of the house according to the will but he is not really bothered about his share at this stage as both his siblings don’t want to buy it off him but want him to continue paying the bills. Husband says he feels guilty if he stops paying the bills as they will never speak to him again. But this situation is affecting us financially and my husband is having to choose either me or his family. Should I let him continue paying their bills? I just don’t know what to do as my husband has gone into depression because of this and it’s affecting me deeply.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 20:45

Epidote · 24/03/2024 20:20

Bills are paid by the people that live in the house/use those utilities, if not all the landlords would have to pay the bills of the house they rent because they are the owners.
Your husband siblings are taking the piss.
If I were him I would try to force a sell if they don't want to buy his share in the house, elegidly he should own a third of it. Unless that there is a will that said different.

Husband owns third of the house according to the will but he is not really bothered about his share at this stage as both his siblings don’t want to buy it off him but want him to continue paying the bills. Husband says he feels guilty if he stops paying the bills as they will never speak to him again. But this situation is affecting us financially and my husband is having to choose either me or his family. Should I let him continue paying their bills? I just don’t know what to do as my husband has gone into depression because of this and it’s affecting me deeply.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 20:46

Viewfrommyhouse · 24/03/2024 20:12

It would be prudent for him to pay a third towards any maintenance/upkeep, but absolutely no one is responsible for another adults bills! What was the split in the will? Was it as simple as a third each? If so, he needs to get them to buy him out or force a sale. With respect, you don't have a siblings problem, you have a husband problem. He needs to get more informed and stop being such a soft touch.

Husband owns third of the house according to the will but he is not really bothered about his share at this stage as both his siblings don’t want to buy it off him but want him to continue paying the bills. Husband says he feels guilty if he stops paying the bills as they will never speak to him again. But this situation is affecting us financially and my husband is having to choose either me or his family. Should I let him continue paying their bills? I just don’t know what to do as my husband has gone into depression because of this and it’s affecting me deeply.

OP posts:

Epidote · 24/03/2024 20:57

@Sammie2006, for you is a burden for your husband is a sentimental matter. I would be as delicate as I could but I wouldn't encourage him to facilitate them a living. His brother is old enough to work, you had said that his sister has properties on rent.
It is delicate, because your husband is taking responsibility of something he shouldn't and he feels responsible of it. But it shouldn't had been his responsibility as soon as he moved out.
I bet they are going to mess with him and making him miserable if he stops paying but I think he should stop it.
There is no easy solution when you want to stop entitled people to be entitled, and they are entitled CF.

Zanatdy · 24/03/2024 21:00

This is ridiculous. Maybe some towards maintenance such as a roof leaking but no way should he be paying bills. He needs to step up and tell them he cannot afford to keep doing this and they either accept he pays for big maintenance only or they buy him out of his 1/3. They are taking the P

TempleOfBloom · 24/03/2024 21:07

This is a nightmare situation in many ways.

As a co-owner of another property, when you buy you will be subject to the SDLT surcharge.

When he (eventually) sells his share of the house he will be subject to CGT for the years he didn’t live there because it isn’t his primary residence .

Of course he shouldn’t be paying bills for a house he doesn’t live in.

He is being held to ransoms by his siblings lack of self sufficiency and ability to function.

If they can’t afford the bills for the house they live in, despite having no rent or mortgage to pay, the answer is obvious: they need to sell up, your DH takes his share, and they buy an economical-to-run house that they can afford between them.

Yes he loves them… in which case they presumably love him, so where is THEIR care and concern?

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 21:54

Epidote · 24/03/2024 20:57

@Sammie2006, for you is a burden for your husband is a sentimental matter. I would be as delicate as I could but I wouldn't encourage him to facilitate them a living. His brother is old enough to work, you had said that his sister has properties on rent.
It is delicate, because your husband is taking responsibility of something he shouldn't and he feels responsible of it. But it shouldn't had been his responsibility as soon as he moved out.
I bet they are going to mess with him and making him miserable if he stops paying but I think he should stop it.
There is no easy solution when you want to stop entitled people to be entitled, and they are entitled CF.

Thank you - your response makes me feel a bit better that I am not in the wrong. Husband’s siblings make me feel that I am in the wrong for suggesting that they need to start paying their own bills.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 21:58

TempleOfBloom · 24/03/2024 21:07

This is a nightmare situation in many ways.

As a co-owner of another property, when you buy you will be subject to the SDLT surcharge.

When he (eventually) sells his share of the house he will be subject to CGT for the years he didn’t live there because it isn’t his primary residence .

Of course he shouldn’t be paying bills for a house he doesn’t live in.

He is being held to ransoms by his siblings lack of self sufficiency and ability to function.

If they can’t afford the bills for the house they live in, despite having no rent or mortgage to pay, the answer is obvious: they need to sell up, your DH takes his share, and they buy an economical-to-run house that they can afford between them.

Yes he loves them… in which case they presumably love him, so where is THEIR care and concern?

Thank you for your detailed response which made me feel a bit better thinking I am definitely not in the wrong. Sad thing is that husband’s siblings are highly educated but lived off my husband for years prior to we got married. They still emotionally blackmail my husband but he is too soft towards them. They make me feel that I am in the wrong 😢.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 21:58

TempleOfBloom · 24/03/2024 21:07

This is a nightmare situation in many ways.

As a co-owner of another property, when you buy you will be subject to the SDLT surcharge.

When he (eventually) sells his share of the house he will be subject to CGT for the years he didn’t live there because it isn’t his primary residence .

Of course he shouldn’t be paying bills for a house he doesn’t live in.

He is being held to ransoms by his siblings lack of self sufficiency and ability to function.

If they can’t afford the bills for the house they live in, despite having no rent or mortgage to pay, the answer is obvious: they need to sell up, your DH takes his share, and they buy an economical-to-run house that they can afford between them.

Yes he loves them… in which case they presumably love him, so where is THEIR care and concern?

Thank you for your detailed response which made me feel a bit better thinking I am definitely not in the wrong. Sad thing is that husband’s siblings are highly educated but lived off my husband for years prior to we got married. They still emotionally blackmail my husband but he is too soft towards them. They make me feel that I am in the wrong 😢.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 24/03/2024 22:00

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/03/2024 20:12

Are you in the U.K.

What the previous respondent has written. Your husband’s error here was to continue to pay what became their bills to pat when he moved out. He probably feels a great deal of both obligation and guilt re his siblings but these two need to stand in their own two feet now. He cannot continue to enable them as he has done because that has only given him a false sense of control.

Thank you for your detailed response which made me feel a bit better thinking I am definitely not in the wrong. Sad thing is that husband’s siblings are highly educated but lived off my husband for years prior to we got married. They still emotionally blackmail my husband but he is too soft towards them. They make me feel that I am in the wrong 😢.

OP posts: