Husband always in a bad mood. Bringing me down.

[daisiee]

For the past few weeks every day he's come home he's just in a bad mood. You know the type where you ask what's up and they say 'nothing' and yet presume to mope about the house. I've tried to be supportive but I'm just getting tired of the same old shit. I ask if he wants to talk about anything and he just says I'm fine over and over. Well if he's fine and this is just the new him then i can't do it. He gets in, mopes about, eats the tea I make him without even saying thanks and then goes to bed earlier than me. Like passing ships. Used to be a great dad to DC now just huffs at everything they do. Sat here writing this with tears in my eyes after he's just told me he's tired so going to go bed. Both kids are still awake, I've just finished washing up from tea. What the hell do I do? His mood is just bringing the whole house down and he doesn't have any desire to talk about why he's being so cold.

It may be a relationship problem, a work problem, another woman problem or health problem.

What would he say if you were to suggest going out just the two of you for a chat?

I think I'd say 'if something bad has happened and you are worried about telling me, you need to get it off your chest as soon as possible, and I'll listen. Write it down if you can't say it, but don't leave it any longer.'
That will give him an opening if he needs one.

I mean by all means tell him you're there if he needs to talk, or you can ask him to write it down etc etc but it sounds like he's disengaging from you and family life so that he feels less guilty about walking away or is making sure that you end things so you look like the hero and he's the poor baby man with the evil missus.

I think you need to say: this isn't working for me. You've checked out and I'm left doing it alone. If there is something bothering you you need to share with me or sort it out. I can't go on like this

He sounds depressed and I’m concerned to rule out suicide risk.

Have a look at this resource from the Samaritans as it has a helpful guide to go through relating to signs and symptoms, possible causes, sources of support etc.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/how-support-someone-youre-worried-about/

Is he very active on his phone? Does he never leave it lying around? Many of my friends’ husbands have become addicted to Internet sex in one form or another. It’s just too easy for them now. I’m astonished at the frequency of it. Family then vanish from their view.

but it could be anything. A dinner just the two of you to discuss is important. You’ll probably have to insist on it but it might give you an insight.

Could it be an affair?
Sounds like the beginning of 'the script'. Where they need to blame you for their affair so they don't feel like the bad guy. So they start to treat you like shit.

Alternatively, depression?

I'd tell him you're not going to put up woth this and either he sees his gp and sorts himself out, or, there's the door.

Life's too short to live in a miserable home.
Your kids deserve a happy home and a happy mum.

I'd tell him you're not going to put up woth this and either he sees his gp and sorts himself out, or, there's the door.
**
Life's too short to live in a miserable home.
Your kids deserve a happy home and a happy mum.

these words are excellent and say it all. Put it in a text so you cant be gaslit later.

No wonder suicide is so high with men when women on here straight away think affair or he wants to leave. Many men find it so hard to talk the poor guy could have depression it seems so many jump to the worst in men straight away

Any changes in his life circumstances? Or change of habits or routine. Is he unhappy at work? That can cause a lot of misery? Mental health shouldn't be the default explanation..but he is sleeping a lot, and appears to be low in energy and in mood. Any history of depression? Is he usually able to talk about how he feels? Is there anyone who knows him who he does talk to? Someone you could sound out?

Sorry things are so difficult and I hope things get better.

Thanks for everyone's replies. Honestly I don't know what's going on. I have tried to be supportive and ask him how he's feeling etc but it's like getting blood out of a stone. I did think Is he depressed but I don't know what to do. He just cold shoulders me daily and honestly I'm starting to lose sympathy. Like I know it's not a race to the bottom but when I had postnatal depression I just had to go the doctors and get sorted for him and the kids. Why can't he do the same if it is that?

Part of me just thinks he's trying to push me away, I've had his kids and he doesn't want me anymore because things aren't the same as they were. I just can't carry the burden of all this and be the doting wife and mum 24/7. I'm a stay at home mum, I had to quit my job to enable him to do his (his idea). So he has the ability to leave me up shit creek without a paddle if he wanted to. I hope to god he hasn't met someone else, my stomach is churning at the thought. Sat watching my baby sleep just sobbing because it feels like it's over...

Sorry to read your post.
Has he seen that you are upset? What is his reaction to it?
Tell him you understand about low mood and see if he talks about it.
You mustn't be treated like this.