What happened to your ex who didn't want kids?

[Joyjazz]

I broke up with my ex of 4 years who I loved very dearly because he couldn't commit to having children. I was 36 and almost immediately after the split I started fertility treatment as a single woman. Three years later, I'm now expecting my first baby as a solo mum (and I'm beyond excited). Although I would not change my situation, sometimes I wonder if I should have been more patient and waited in that relationship ...

What happened to your ex who didn't want children? Did they move on to have them with someone else? Are they currently without children?

Like you OP, my ex didn’t want kids so I left him and did it alone. Similar age to you too. I’ve got 2 now, teenagers.
My ex married a woman who didn’t want kids either, although they’re divorced now.
I never had any regrets. We talked and talked about it, and nothing would change his mind.

I hope guilt and regret keeps him awake at night!

as for me: I thought I'd be an awful mother, my ex was very good at making me out to be a horrible, useless person with a foul temper. I didn't want to be tied to him either - not having kids meant that all I have to deal with now are occasional nightmares

@PaintedEgg

I saw your reply to a PP and your aunt was correct

And yes I hope my ex has regret and feels guilt as how to badly he treated me

I think he's ended up with a woman about his age or older as I believe she has grandchildren and I believe he's also infertile (thankfully, I don't mean it meanly but he would not have made a great father as booze comes first with him plus the whole baby trapping thing).

One ex of mine did want kids but was a huge commitment phobe. He’s living abroad, had a few relationships.

Another ex didn’t want kids with me but then decided he did want them but I was too old. Had been anyway.

Another ex had a teenager didn’t want more, he’s now married to a woman who has 3 children, 2 are twins and one has either kidney or liver disease so is in hospital a lot.

seems like he didn't want to parent children.... just wanted to marry one. disgusting creep. Good thing you got rid!

OP, well done for taking control of your pwn life and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Although I would not change my situation, sometimes I wonder if I should have been more patient and waited in that relationship

No. I think you did absolutely the right thing. Too many women are patient and wait only to find out that he actually meant it when he said he didn't want children (with her) and then regret it.

Personally, when I was young and childfree (I was quite ambivalent about having children myself), I didn't meet any men who said they didn't want children full stop tbh. I met a few who didn't want them 'yet' (not in a dating sense, just men I knew). But all the men I know wanted to be fathers except for one. He had children because he loved his wife and wanted her to be happy and is actually a great dad and lives his children dearly.

After I had my second (at 31) and separated at 37, none of the men I met/dated who had children already wanted anymore (neither did I) all of them men I met who didn't have them would have loved to have had them - with the right woman.

No woman should be having a baby with a man she has had to cajole and persuade into it.

I think you had a lucky escape!

It seems they fall into two categories. The don't want children and don't want children with you. Though the latter often present as the former.

I can't have children and I don't particularly like children, so have always dated childfree men who do not want children. I'm still friends with both my ex's as we grew apart and split but never had an explosive breakup (outside of being a teenager anyway!). I have two long term ex's, one I speak with often and he's a workaholic. He's also very rich. He lives in an enormous house by himself that he's filled with expensive guitars, gaming consoles and thousands of pounds with of sound tech, synths, electric drums etc. He owns his own business and is basically married to it. He doesn't date at all. The other spent 10 of the last 15 years with somebody who actually made him miserable, she has severe mental health issues and he felt sorry for her. He's quite weak willed and bad at standing up for himself so stayed longer than he should have. He's recently left the relationship and went travelling where he's met a woman overseas who he seems to be more suitable for him and from similar background. Neither have any intention of having children.

My university boyfriend didn’t want kids. I was absolutely certain that I did so, although I was a very long way from being ready to try, this did mean that I never felt I could view him as ‘The One.’

He randomly got in touch on Valentine’s Day this year. We hadn’t had any contact for 10+ years, although I was vaguely aware from social media that he lives abroad. I’m pregnant with #3. He is still single and childless at 40. Being male though, I guess it’s not necessarily too late for him.

I left my then husband when I was 31 as he didn’t want kids. Neither of us did in the beginning and we had a privileged life with lots of travel. I became really broody at about 29 and he was on the fence. I hit 30 and the broodiness grew and he eventually told me he didn’t want kids. So that was that. We split amicably and remained friends.

I met someone new and had my now almost 6 year old son. Ex got into a new relationship and over the years has succumbed to drink and obesity. I text him recently as it was his birthday and he told me he’d just been diagnosed with chronic liver failure and type 2 diabetes at the age of 42. It’s very sad as he was quite the runner and slim during our marriage but did occasionally binge drink, but equally I am so glad to be out of the marriage.

I am very happy. I am 40 now and I’m living out my dreams. I’m about to qualify as a midwife, I’ve recently bought my son and I a pony and we are about to jet off on a dream holiday with my partner and his 2 kids.

He claimed to want children eventually, but kept telling me that we wouldn't have children until I lost weight because he didn't want his children developing in a "vessel" that was fat. Even now writing that down a decade or so later I can't believe that wasn't the final straw for me.

Eventually we split up as he kept telling me that actually he wanted to sow his wild oats. He'd actually met someone else. A few months into their relationship going public she told him she wanted kids. She was a few years older than him and in her mid thirties. They've been together ever since and have not had children. I feel really, really sad for her as I suspect he's strung her along a bit, at least partly. I don't believe he's had any intention in having kids with anyone.

He moved to another country to live with the woman he left me for, and promptly had a DD. However, I know he wasn't happy with being "forced" to be a father (his words ... we kept in touch through family for a while) and they only had one! He made sure "that didn't happen again" - also his words). He still lives in the other country with her, so they must have had something going for them I suppose.

I remarried and have moved on with my life - still child free.

Not my ex, but actually speaking about my brother. He and his wife split up mainly over the issue of him adamantly not wanting children. (Nearly freaked out when wife had a pregnancy scare.) A few years later after they divorced, his subsequent girlfriend got pregnant unexpectedly (both in their mid 40s) and they split up over it. The girlfriend decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and he gradually came round to the idea when the baby was a few months old. They then got back together and now he absolutely dotes on his child and loves being a father. His exW later remarried and has step children, but none of her own. She seems happy, I hope she is.