Dating is so shit

[morganalefay2]

Do you think it's possible to enjoy dating if you're older if you didn't when you were younger?

Hands on heart i have never enjoyed the process and find it a waste of time.

I have never met anyone as yet to find a long term relationship with and feel at 43 it isn't going to happen for me. I generally get to the 6 month mark then end things as the mask slips and the real person comes through which i do not like.

I feel dating in 2024 particularly is a waste of emotional energy and i notice myself i am never happy when actively searching for a relationship.

I don't get where this desire of looking for a relationship comes from but i know for a fact i am happier and less stressed when i don't date.

I seem to attract narcissistic people and want to stop this pattern.

I would definitely get some counselling to unpick all this

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I have had counselling but it hasn't really helped much.

Dating is hard. I’ve been online dating for just about a year now, lots and lots of dates with loads of men, like 30 plus. And in January, I met someone worth it. And we’re together now. But literally went on dates with about 30 men. Some you know instantly are awful, some after a few dates. Then this guy… it’s been wonderful.

You just have to slog through a lot of crap first!

@WarshipRocinante Nah not something i am prepared to do. Too much effort for little reward.

You need a thick skin and be good at spotting bad stuff, some of this poor behaviour is not obvious. My tolerance level is very low, I mean incredibly low for all things which includes men.

So when you say you can’t spot the start of poor behaviour, what sort of childhood did you have?

If you’re happy single then stay that way! You don’t need to date or couple up.

I’ve been a single parent for almost 11 years. Only started dating a year ago, because for the first 10 years of single parenting, I just didn’t have the energy or interest in finding someone. The kids came first and it wasn’t something I wanted to bother with. My kids are older now, and I feel it’s time for me to have this so I did the work of all the crappy guys. But I felt ready and wanted it. You’re not… so don’t! Be a happy singleton. You really don’t need a man.

I never really dated in my younger days as I was in a handful of LTR’s from my late teens until I was 51 so it’s all new to me and it’s not something I particularly enjoy.

I dip in and out of OLD and I filter very heavily meaning in over a year I’ve only actually had 6 dates. Mostly nice guys but no real spark. I find the wronguns reveal themself way before the meeting up stage tbh. It’s just learning to spot the red flags early on

I think that sums it up. It does seem like a slog - if it's not worth it to you, then I'd probably surmise that you're happy as you are. You're probably best off seeing what happens on the wild. It's less likely these days, but you never know who you might stumble across.

Which also shows that you are not expecting to fine someone who will whisk you away and solve all your problems. Equally, if you did find a decent man you would appreciate him and take him off the market while leaving all the dross.
This is why dating later in life is so dire.

I found my match when I was 41. I had been online dating for many years with a handful of short relationships and a few flings. You need to be in it to win it. I did want to meet someone but was fussy or just had my standards. I agree there are some odd guys out there but some really nice ones.

I did get dating fatigue with 100 dates in 5 years, plus many more chatting to; but did put effort in. However I think I matched with current DP when my friends took charged of swiping one night. They said I filtered out too many people and was too fussy. DPs first picture was not great and he had no profile info so not too sure I would of swiped

but conversation was great on text. I would never go for food on first date but I did with him. He is not what I thought my normal style was, but we chatted for hours that night and annoyed the restaurant as it took so long to order.

i did treat dating like a business as I had a set dating night for first dates. Would chat for a week or so online to filter out the odd ones or guys interested in sex.

it’s hard but there are some good eggs out there. I did meet a few who I had short relationships with, but ended as different people. Also had some amazing dates and some random stories