Sexless relationship

[Palmsun]

I'm in a sexless relationship with my partner. I am f and he is m.

The sex between reduced in 2019 to about maybe 4 or 5 times in the year.

He lost his job in 2020. He got a new job in 2021. His new job was working and opposite schedule than what he had and also to what I had.

I typically work Monday to Friday.

His previous job in a bar gave him flexibility with one weekend off a month. We always made time for each other for the first few years of us being together.

I felt his new job was going to be a wedge between us but I tried to accept it and make it work.

My relationship is very stale with him now. We work different days never sharing a day off together.
Last year I started sleeping apart from because I couldn't stomach sleeping in the same bed as him any more and be faced with the sexlessness between us. I also thought, I will make him earn it to come and sleep with me again. Make him want to sleep with me. Make him ask to sleep with me.
Guess what he never did and he seems to be more than happy to sleep apart, as I am too.

I just can't bear to sleep with him any more. I prefer my space and time away from him.

But I am still hurting. We are suppose to be a couple but our lives are so far apart from each other.

He's gone to work now and I will have a day to myself.

I woke nearly in tears this morning. I think I came in my sleep from a dream I had. I dreamt about my hairdresser doing a home visit for my hair, and then afterwards it turned erotic with him. It was just uncomfortable waking this morning.

I do get people coming on here to vent about things like this, but wouldn't the logical thing be to speak with him about it to and see if there is any resolution?
If you feel you can't even talk to him about it then a sexless marriage is the least of your problems as people who tolerate it, have been in that relationship for years, mostly with children and the relationship is great in every other way but that one so they stay and it's up to them as to how they choose to sort their urges. If you have no children with him, relationship as a whole is none existent, not just the sex, then what's keeping you?

It's over, he has checked out.

Your relationship is over. Sorry OP.

I don’t get the logic of moving out of your shared bed to sleep alone, He probably saw that as a firm message that you didn’t want to sleep with him. I think you need to address this properly with him. Do you want to have a sexual relationship or not? Also the rest of your relationship seems like it’s be bad for a long time. Is there anything to save? Sex in a ltr needs emotional connections, closeness and companionship. From my personal experience, i usually spend 4 full days and nights a week with my dp before we split off into our own family units when we have our dc. We will wfh together, go on a walk at lunchtime, make dinner together, Netflix and cuddles on the sofa. All that closeness as we do usually kiss and cuddle between work either leads to sex in the evening and the next morning. We always go up for bed together too so we are usually chatting before bed and laughing with each other. You need that kind of fullness in your relationship. I never had this with my ExH so now I know ect I was missing.

This is a while ago. Any update @Palmsun ?

And yes, conversation is key. Be open with him about this.