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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do favours never work both ways ????

3 replies

Showmeheaven · 27/03/2008 21:32

A few months ago DH & I made a deal with our SIL & BIL (his brother) to mind each others kids while the other had a night out. No babysitting costs & kids get to have a sleep-over with their cousins. Great idea. We live in different counties, so we would only see each other every month or so.

DH & I held the first sleepover (in Oct last year). Next time we saw them it was near Christmas. My SIL said "its your turn for a night out, so we will mind your kids". I wasn't pushed on going out so near Christmas so I told them they could go instead (I knew they were dying for another night out). I told them we would go out in January when it was quieter.

We saw them again in January. No offer of a sleepover came our way. SIL seemed to be in a bad mood with her DH, so I let it pass.

Saw them again last weekend - still no offer of a sleepover. Needless to say, I'm getting a bit pissed off at this stage.

While at MIL's house, I happened to walk in on MIL talking to my DH. She was asking him if WE took the kids for a sleepover ? .

DH just said we didn't. I said in a very loud voice that it was actually OUR turn for a night out and no offer of a sleepover had come our way as it happens!

MIL just mumbled that SIL probably has other things on her mind and left it at that.

When we called over to see them on Sunday we found out that they had gone out on Saturday night (they had booked a sitter). We were with them until 9pm that night and they didn't mention that they were going out or would we like to go with them.

Myself & SIL have never been bossom buddies, but there has never been a fallen out or anything. She can get very moody at times, but I just pretend not to notice when she is like this (same as everyone else). She is generous in other ways ..... she cooked Sunday lunch for us all (even though I told her we had dinner waiting at home ...). I can't figure her out at times.

By a night out I mean a nice romantic meal as we don't go to pubs - myself & DH aren't big drinkers (they are the opposite - they like the pub).

DH says to let it go and that I'm getting myself worked up over nothing, but I think they are being very unfair. People don't mind you doing them a favour, but when its your turn they don't want to know. Am I being petty and should I just let it go ? What would you do ?

OP posts:
rookiemater · 27/03/2008 21:38

From what your MIL said sounds like there are other things going on.

Why don't you just ask them, they did offer before and it is your turn ? You could tell her you feel a bit awkward about it but that you want to go out.

Also are there any other friends you could start up a babysitting group with . A bunch of us use the site www.mynightoff.com which is free and it makes it less tit for tat and more fair as its based on points.

Finally if its any help I'm slightly grr that I have fed someones cats for almost 2 weeks and they let us down on babysitting, but I know its just me being a bit silly and I just need to ask again.

warthog · 27/03/2008 22:13

just ask her. say you want a night out, what date would work for her. you're letting her take advantage.

Showmeheaven · 28/03/2008 19:31

Thanks for replies guys. Yes, sound advice. I should just ask. Simple as that.

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