Husband constantly disagrees with me.

[C6H12O6]

Together 18 years, married 12.

Plenty of things wrong in the marriage. I checked out years ago. There is no physical intimacy at all, was always sketchy but it’s disappeared completely for the last 5 years. We have one DS who is 7. I suspect my husband is gay but when asked won’t admit it. Won’t see doctor or seek counselling.

Anyway, he’s always had a habit of disagreeing with me about daft small stuff and I just waved it away as him being forgetful, but over the last 3 months this has ramped up a lot. It’s about stupid stuff.

This mornings example is so basic but so annoying. DS has rugby. I bought 2 small handwarmers for him to use around a month ago. DH took one to rugby and I’ve not seen it since. The other, DS and I popped at home so he could see how it worked and then I put it into the kitchen drawer. I took it out this morning and put it in boiling water and told DH to take it to rugby as I didn’t know where the other one he had taken had gone.

He was adamant that the one in the drawer was his. He had put it there, he had popped it with DS and that I was talking rubbish.

I am absolutely 100% positive it’s the one I had and he’s lost the other but there’s no telling him. This happens ALL the time, at least 5 times a day. I just walk away now and try not to bother me, but this morning has really got to me.

Sorry to vent. There’s no leaving him, simply not an option, so just after advice on how to manage this particular issue.

I'm sorry but why is leaving not an option? Don't mean to pry but if you checked out years ago what's the point in being together?

If you try and "manage" i.e cope with such issues he causes you, your mental health will further tank and you will further become a shadow of your own self.

I am going to ask you why you think leaving is not an option either. Is that because of your son?.

Why is leaving not an option? You had a life before him and you can have a life after him? If you don’t work, get a job. Your child is at school. Financially support yourself and get out.

life is far too short to stay in a miserable fake marriage and you are just letting your child know that it’s ok to put up with being miserable in life and you’re setting them up with an unhealthy mindset for their own future relationships will look.

if you haven’t got the strength to leave for yourself, do it for your child. Otherwise in 15/20 years time they will be telling you how miserable their childhood was watching mum and dad argue and be bitter and miserable and they’d wished you left years ago.

You've made a very clear case for leaving then said its not an option without an explanation - people WILL ask for more info on that, because it does seem like the elephant in the room.

Have you told him that you've noticed he disagrees with you about every little thing?

Is there a big dripfeed coming up? Like one of you is an alcoholic and it's frazzled your/ his working memory?

He’s entirely convinced he’s right you’re entirely convinced you are. No communication it sounds exhausting and like a problem created by both of you.

I also used to think "leaving wasn't an option". Eventually I had no choice, and of course looking back you realise that it is very tough but always an option. Leaving my ex was the best thing I ever did. Living in peace is wonderful.

As for immediate advice, I think you just have to state your side of the argument then leave it/ walk away. "No, it's one of a pair, I have the receipt somewhere". He'll state his opposing view but there's no need for you to restate yours, just carry on doing whatever else you're doing. If he keeps on about it you'll have to say, "Right, well, there's nothing else I can say."

I would also start calculating benefits etc that you'd get if you left. I don't know whether you work or what your income is, but on my salary I was entitled to financial help for childcare which made all the difference.

You can leave, you just don’t want to yet.

No advice but sympathy. When I was with exH he would regularly say that he had told me something and I had forgotten or that I hadn't told him something when I thought I had and other things like that. He was always so sure he was right and I don't have the best memory so I believed him.
After we split up we had to live together for a while and during this time he borrowed my swimming goggles (without telling me) that I kept in bag A. When I next went swimming there were no goggles in my bag. Back home I asked him if he had seen them and he said he borrowed them but found them in bag B and put them back there. Even when I insisted they were in bag A, he wouldn't back down and said he put them back where he found them. I knew 100% that I was right.
This was a real eye opener for me as it made me realise that it wasn't always me who had been wrong over the years. Him being sure he was right didn't make it so.
At least you know what he is like so you are not questioning your memory but I'm not sure how you can live with him like this. The only thing I can think of is to pick your battles and ignore the instances that don't matter. I hope that even if you can't leave right now it is something you can plan for in the future.

This basically. one day you'll wake up and realise there's nothing of you left at all. This is such an awful way to live.
what is your ds learning about relationships from the two of you?

There’s no leaving him, simply not an option, so just after advice on how to manage this particular issue

Stop caring. But when you work out how to do that, please let everyone else know. Whilst you still care, you are volunteering for a life with someone you don't trust, who you find unfavourable most of the time.

Why are you choosing to spend your limited and precious time doing that?

Leaving is always an option, and you should do so as quickly as possible. The damage being done to your child by living in this toxic environment will cause lifelong issues. Your son will have absolutely no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.