Do you make your DH/P happy? Cos DH told me last night that I don't.

[Dashed]

He is not a bad man. He is generally helpful and not nasty. But he is unenthsiastic about me and the children and everything to do with family life. I have to drive everything.

Last night he said he feels like he should feel happy and fulfilled by the kids and me, but he doesn't.

What he really wants is to have the good opinion of his colleagues and to suceed at work (he does, and is btw).

He didn't say it to be mean, he was being honest. I am so hurt though.

What would you do?

It's not up to you to "make" him happy. even a perfect wife and family can't do that, especially for a man who is depressed (in fact, having a really good family can make unhappiness worse, as the cause is not immediately obvious).

don't let him blame you anyway, but it does sound like he may be depressed.and are you sure there isn't something wrong at work that he isn't telling you about? why would he mention it otherwise?

my dp went through a phase of being unhappy. does he have any interests or hobbies?

Does he know what would make him happier within his family life?
Is he really not interested in his own children and their lives and growing up?
Does he not appreciate your love and their love?
He sounds like he's gone mentally lazy and somehow wants his home life to entertain him, but he has to put something in to get something out.

How would he feel if he came home to an empty house, with no one to kiss him and no one to hug him or ask how he was? Has he forgotten the positives of family life?
Perhaps he needs a reminder and to know he is loved and needed?
But he can't sit and complain without acknowledging he has something to do with his current mood and only he can get himself out of it.
Does he assume you are happy with him, and this is all about his feelings? He sounds a bit emotionally unaware, and may not realise how hurtful his comments are.
I think he has withdrawn, you did not push him away. What steps, if any will he take to stop feeling the way he does?

Thanks everyone - took a little MN break.

Mentally Lazy - yes! and emotionally unaware - yes! Let me clarify - he wasn't complaining "you don't make me happy and you should" - type thing. He was saying it sadly - admitting it, when I asked.

He says he doesn't know what will make him happy. We are moving soon, and he hopes it will help. I don't know if it wil, or if its just a crutch/excuse to do nothing now, but I guess I need to wait and see.

I have got a bit more perspective, having been on here and chatted to a few RL mates too. I don't feel guilty, I do wish there was something I could do for him, but I don't think there is, apart from try and spend some time together and encourage him if he ever tries to help himself. I'm still very sad about it all, but now I think I'm sad because my DH is sad, not because I make him sad IYSWIM.

He has to sort himself out rather than expecting you to do it. Have you pointed out to him that living with someone who's got a face like a permanent smacked arse is no big thrill for you either?
What does he actually want? Is it possible that the answer is 'more sex'? (it is sometimes as simple as that with some men). If he says he doesn;t know what will make him happy, tell him to let you know when he has worked it out but in the meantime he can show the rest of his family the basic consideration of not whinging and moaning.