How do you row

[shewolfmum]

So..I hate being shouted at. My other half shouts...not often...but maybe I can remember once a year when I have done something that pisses him off. An example...he is building our house so under pressure and we marked the new wooden worktops (this is an example) so he says he feels we (my daughter and I) don't care. I say there is never a reason to shout, it is the other person's anger that needs to be controlled. However he says we aren't all Buddha and anger rises in the moment and should be expressed. How do you do this stuff? I have emotional switched off from him and we had a big talk this morning about what we both are looking for in a relationship so maybe this is good but not sure how I can remove the bricks of my wall I have built up....

We don’t row, I hold it all in and simmer with resentment. I think it’s because he always seemed to win upsets in the past, always had big words and reasons as to why I’m wrong, then later id think of reasons as to why he’s actually wrong but the time has passed.

Yes @DustyLee123 that makes sense to me. I am finding resentment as stuck in my heart and I can't stand it anymore! Doesn't it make you feel unwell? It's like poison?

Yes, it eats away at you. I asked my DH to do marriage counselling, he surprisingly agreed, so I asked him to book it ( so that he couldn’t complain about the person I would book ). He didn’t. I think that tells me how much he cares.

@shewolfmum @DustyLee123
Do you both acknowledge that your inability to express anger has caused resentment to build up in you

Being angry is a valid emotion. Shouting and other expressions of anger are not bad things in isolation. It is when and how and the nature of the expression that makes it abusive or not.

Shouting at your partner is not a valid way to express anger. Shouting comes with aggression, intimidation and escalation. What happens. Either shouting back or one partner being silenced and feeling threatened. Shouting is a serious trigger for many people from childhood when they were powerless and continually shouted at. I don't tolerate anyone shouting at me and neither should anyone.