Still feeling down - 2 years on

[WhatSusieDidNext]

Separated from my ex over 2 years ago. He was I think emotionally abusive (although I doubt myself). Divorced nearly a year.

In my own home which I am slowly doing up. Doing well at work. Have friends, have hobbies. Kids (7 and 5) are 50-50 which is hard, but I'm adjusting. Generally things are ok.

I just feel so flat. A bit lonely I suppose. A bit lost. Anyone got on any advice on what I need to do to feel better. Sounds cheesy but I want to thrive not survive.

Would really appreciate any advice. How I'm feeling leads me to spiral into doubting my decision to leave and I really want to stay positive.

Are you ready to begin dating again,Tinder for example

ideally what do you want?
Are you fearing out of the frying pan and into the fire syndrome as it does happen
I hope you find whatever it is you are hoping for

I get it OP, I still sometimes feel down and it's been 7 years.
I'm 62 and we had retirement all planned out. I didn't see myself spending my retirement on my own - I don't want to date again. Single men my age are so awful and they want younger women anyway.
I have to work 7 years longer, I had planned to retire early.
I have friends, a career, a nice home which he didn't own and a lovely DS but sometimes I am so angry that he fucked up our easy life on a whim.
Naturally went for a younger woman who eventually dumped him, filed for divorce at the time and then wanted to come back - like fuck.
It's tough, you just have to do as much as possible for yourself and your children.

I don’t feel ready to date. I feel like I need to focus on me and the kids for a bit. Plus I don’t have the time. I’m trying to sort myself out financially by taking on extra work when I don’t have the kids. I have a good job, but am nowhere near where I wanted to be financially at this stage of my life because of the divorce which is hard. I just want to feel a bit happier, I suppose. I left because he was horrible to me. It’s good to have escaped that, but I miss the good times.

It's natural to feel that way. you're not just mourning what you had but what you thought you'd have. You'll have a completely different future to the one you expected.

It goes, 2 years is still quite new. I'm 6 years down and feel like it was all a lifetime ago.

I have my own home, a job I love and am doing well in, friends old and new have come into my life. Old friends I had to ditch because my ex hated them, new friends who bring me a new lease of life.

Keep doing the little things, get the house how you like, take the children out for a dinner somewhere that they want to go to.

Enjoy your freedom.

Op you miss the good times but what about the bad times??? Do you really want to go back to the uncertainty??? I think you need to "grieve" for a relationship when it ends.....even if it was a bad one x sending hugs x

Good grief. Tinder is likely to tip OP over the edge ffs

is there anything you like to do or would like to do - like evening or weekend classes? Anything from say joining a walking group to get outside with others to pottery or jewellery making? Or language classes, book groups, DIY?!

Sounds silly, OP, but what makes you happy? Is it messing around with your kids, being around friends, doing stuff just for you? I think if you can work out what makes you happy, that’s a start — then you ‘just’ need to do more of it…. (I know it’s not that easy, and I genuinely don’t mean to be flippant.)

The other thing that occurs to me is that when you’re in a bad situation, it can be easy to assume that once you get out, life will be all sunshine and roses — but sadly that’s not always the case. Most of us feel, at least some of the time, that life’s a bit of a slog. Perhaps that’s where you are at the moment? Not sure what your finances are like but is it worth exploring counselling or even talking to a life coach?

If you can afford it, travel. When the kids are with their Dad, book onto a singles friendly holiday for people in your age bracket. Just to expand your horizons, make some new memories and get out of your comfort zone.

Or if you can't afford to travel, some new challenges like an art workshop, train for a 5k race or something like that.

Thanks for all the advice. I think I need to really think about what it is I want to do! I just have no idea what makes me happy anymore (apart from my kids)