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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just wanted to ask your opinion about close friend's behaviour last night

35 replies

Carla · 28/12/2004 11:17

She'd asked me, dh and dds round, and as my sister's up from London, them and their dd (14) and ds (8). Basically, we had a lovely time at first - brought them Lobster Thermidor, Champagne etc and everything was great. Then, she ran downstairs nearly in tears, saying my lot had trashed the place.

TBH, I never let her child upstairs in our house, because she does just that. She then said to my sister 'Carla never lets them upstairs in her house'. So I wondered why she did. I do honestly believe my children when they say it was like that when they arrived. And I feel very hurt. What do you think? Her reaction soured the whole evening.

OP posts:
KangaSantaMummy · 28/12/2004 15:32

how old are your DD?

how do you stop her child from going upstairs at your house?

when friends come round i say to ds that if there is anything he doesn't want to be touched then we will put it away in our bedroom

A friend came round once and broke up a lego model he had just finished building

i do not allow them into our bedroom so that is shut.

chioldminded children are not allowed upstairs because steep stairs and lego so we have stairgates.

BTW I THINK SHE OVER REACTED

Original poster
Carla · 28/12/2004 19:45

5(just) and 6, Kanga. We've left the stairgate up

OP posts:
tigermoth · 28/12/2004 20:12

Sounds like your host was generally stressed to me, and unused to the mess caused by 5 or more children.

How did her own daughter react? any chance that her dd was secretely very upset that her toys were being played with, or she didn't want to share them and cried in her mother's ear? Is is possible you and the other children missed this? Could your host have been empathising with her daughter without realising how ungracious she sounded to the adult guests? Perhaps she has had a bad experience with friends sharing her dd's toys in the past.

Whatever, it definitely sounds like an overreaction to me, but possibly, not one you should take too personally.

JudgeFlounce · 28/12/2004 20:13

Message deleted

tigermoth · 28/12/2004 20:16

that would have made for an exciting end to the evening

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 28/12/2004 20:18

Would that not have landed you in court for assault, JF?

JudgeFlounce · 28/12/2004 20:20

Message deleted

JudgeFlounce · 28/12/2004 20:20

Message deleted

tigermoth · 28/12/2004 20:21

I was wondering that, too
I have to say, I once had a friend who did the sort of thing this host person did from time to time. Our friendship didn't survive long.

newgirl · 05/01/2005 11:37

ring her ring her ring her

it might really clear the air and you will feel so much better. she could be hormonal, in a bad mood, a bit depressed after xmas etc. she might be very apologetic and then you will have kept your friend. what www said was very diplomatic. its not an admission of guilt its just trying to be nice and open-minded. if she then lays in to you or your kids then say something like 'i don't think we are going to agree on this, and i've made the effort to call, so I think I will ring off now'. But hopefully she will be pleased you've made the effort and things will be much better

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