Looking at females on social media

[BlueEyesBrownHair]

Caught my husband looking at women on tik tok last night. He does it all the time and when i walk into a room he shits himself and switches his phone off. Last night i could see the panic on his face. I saw what he was looking at, videos of females being suggestive and boobs out/bum out etc. i just dont like it but am i wrong to feel like this? I dont ogle over blokes online 🤨

Well it's a tough one.

Some women are even OK with their men watching porn! Personally that would probably send me running as I find it grim.

I'm not sure if him watching some women dancing and jiggling their butts would bother me but I certainly wouldn't want to see him doing so. And I wouldn't want to be with a man who did that 'all the time'.

Your comfort zone is your comfort zone.
You have every right to say 'hey, I find you watching those sorts of things disrespectful'.
Your feelings are your feelings and you're entitled to them.

Now he could say that that's not fair.
But teyou can tell him it's a non negotiable if you want. Or at the very least, he shouldn't do it around you, that's a perfectly fair ask. If he can't agree on that and thinks you should just put up and shut up, then it may be divorce time. Because life's too short to spend with people with don't care about our feelings and trample over your boundaries.

What pinkbonbon says.

DH was doing this, so I pointed out that the women he was looking at were probably younger than his daughters. And that just made him a dirty old man.
Funnily enough, he stopped doing it.

It's perfectly OK to have boundaries of what you are prepared to accept. Doing it is one thing, doing it in front of you and then hiding it is something completely different.

How can you be wrong to feel something?

What rules do you think we're all meant to be following, about what we're allowed to feel?

This would bother me too, I think you’d have to be very secure in yourself and your looks to not let it bother you

Plenty of women are ok with it. It's not about that. It's not about making OP feel that she's 'normal' compared to others. It's about realising that we each set our own normal. It's about self respect, not acceptance into the 'We don't like porn' club.

I left my exH over it as I find it creepy and disrespectful to me and our relationship. I'd rather be single than married to a pervert.

Of course you are not wrong to feel this way. You are fully entitled to feel however you want.

If he was a new guy you were seeing, I'd say get rid. But as you're married, it's hard to advise without knowing more details of how often he does it, what the dynamics are like etc.

Love the honesty of @Mom2K above though 😂

Hi I caught my husband doing this about 3 years ago , I went through his TikTok when the new watch history feature came out. I never go through his phone I probably shouldn’t have but I was curious, when I went threw I found a few videos he had watched of women bum/boobs out , I confronted him & told him I didn’t like it and it bothered me because I don’t look at males online so why should he be lusting over women online ? He told me he was sorry and deleted the app. A few months ago I was using his phone to set up an account on a different platform as the email link wouldn’t come threw to my email , when I went on his email I seen a log in code from TikTok , I ignored it as I taught he hadn’t been using it as he told me he wouldn’t be on it anymore. Another couple of weeks went by and I had forgotten the password to the previous platform I had signed up on using his email , I seen the same email again but a new one it was in the bin folder we he had forgotten to delete it, I continued to App Store to check was there any recent downloads for the app what I didn’t know was App Store doesn’t show most recent downloads only the first ever download. I found this a bit odd I ended up installing the app and found no saved log ins, I first thought I was being paranoide because of me finding the previous watch history. I ended up clicking continue with apple and it logged me into an account I went threw the history and this was nothing like the videos I had found before where there were just a few scattered threw , this was just full of women and not just watched and scrolled by this was him going into their accounts and just watching the videos of them half naked, he had 6 accounts created in total 2 with google 2 with apple and 1 with phone number and 1 with his Facebook page. All were full of women being watched , this made me so insecure and jealous at the same time because some of these women were my friends and when we were with them did that mean he fancied them ? To me it seemed that way , when I confronted him he switched it back on me and said why did I go threw his phone when he knew this would not work for him he then said let me go threw your history I did as I have nothing to hide, then he said he didn’t look at the videos he doesn’t know how they are there .. ikr, so he doesn’t want me looking at men and he wanted to look at other women ? We are still together I love him but I don’t have any respect for him anymore , he told me he wouldn’t ever do it again but I don’t trust him because he was so sneaky the first time waiting for me to be asleep or waiting for when we wouldn’t be together and he would download the app. How do I get over this or learn to deal with it it feels like only yesterday every time I think of it even though it happened almost a year ago.

Personally I think any adult that has a tik tok account in the first place is a bit cringe. It’s literally full of brain rotting utter rubbish.

True , I don’t even use TikTok myself, I personally just don’t like the app think it gives people unrealistic expectations. I think definitely grown men shouldn’t have it as all that is mostly on it is women half naked dancing which good for them women that’s non of my business what they like to wear or do but if a man is in a relationship he shouldn’t be looking/fantasising about different women I think it’s a horrible thing to do and to me it is the same thing as cheating. I am with my partner almost 8 years and I have never looked at another man in that way or thought another man was good looking even though they might be I just haven’t because I am happy with my partner and happy with how he looks I don’t think I need to look at other people in that way so what I’m trying to say is if I don’t look at other men in that way and my husband wouldn’t like if I did how come he was allowed to look at other women in that way and it was basically ok as long as I didn’t know about it ?