My DH and I have known each other for 15 years and been together for 8, we have two DA's who are 3 and 2.
For context I'm not a very emotional person and am not really a touchy person. Reasons for this is a whole other thread, but I am aware of this and want to break the cycle for us and our kids.
In the early days we had a very active sex life with me usually the instigator, but the past few years I haven't been as interested as before.
It's been a tough few years for many reasons. For me, I had surgery following a long battle with a chronic condition that left me with a stoma bag. I've also developed a further chronic condition last year and I'm struggling with it. I raised 2 kids close in age whilst struggling with my health and working full time and keeping the house going.
I'm 39 so not a young mum and all this has taken a toll on my self esteem and how I view myself.
Because of that I want everything else in how I look to be perfect before sex, shaved legs, waxed, brushed teeth blah blah bit in reality I never get time to do all these things so hold back. He reassures me and says none of that bothers him and he'd fancy me covered in crap.
I never go out and have lost my identity. I'm bloody exhausted and tbh I'm happy to stay home whilst DH goes out. We don't have any support network really and haven't been on a date in ages.
I've got slack with affection and I know that. At the same time I only feel like he shows me affection when he wants a shag and I've really started to resent it which has pushed me further away.
Last night we got talking about it and he said he felt like we were in the friend zone and all this has really affected him. I love him dearly and wouldn't want to be without him.
I suggested we start back at the basics and asked him to hold off on the sex pressure whilst we build on the foundations again.
Is there a way back from the friend zone??