I’ve been with my husband for nearly 14 years. When life is good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s horrific. He struggles to regulate his emotions and moods. Will be fine and a brilliant person to be around but then if he’s stressed at work or not well he has these thunderous moods that last weeks. Speaks to me like I’m trash makes me feel like crap and is essentially walking around with this rain cloud over his head.
Almost two years ago was a particularly bad phase where work was horrendous and he used me as his emotional punchbag. During this period he had a 6 month emotional affair with another woman at his work. He swears there was nothing physical- I don’t truly know this to be true as when he was first caught out he lied and deleted lots of things. Initially he blamed me for this said he couldn’t talk to me that I was the problem. Said he didn’t want to divorce or be with her but took him a while to cop to it and fully admit everything.
I've always stood by him - tolerated his moods and supported him where I can. Sometimes, when he’s so horrible to me I will give him a reality check and tell him he needs to grow up and put his big boy pants on. Once he gets out of the moods life is great but this can go on for weeks.
i got over the affair, had some counselling and we moved forward. His moods have been less frequent since then but still at least every 3 months although when I breakdown and tell him he can’t treat me like this he often apologises and sorts himself out.
He’s been in one of these moods since before Mother’s Day. Didn’t get me a card or plan anything etc spoke to me like crap and was extremely short with me. This has continued. I’ve pulled him up on it several times but after he apologises he’s right back to treating me like crap again.
For the last 3 weeks I’ve been ill with the flu. I take immunosuppressants so my immune system doesn’t cope well, I am also having cervical cancer tests as I’m presenting with symptoms and have a family history and im terrified also I found out my Grandmother is dying and although we are estranged she was a good woman to me and I’m having lots of emotions around that. As a result I haven’t been as on top of the housework. Dinner hasn’t been on the table etc. The house is clean but untidy some days. The washing and ironing are all done though. I’ve felt in a bit of a fog and spend lots of my time trying to take my mind off things.
Last night he blew up at me for not pulling my weight which I hold my hands up to entirely he knows what’s going on but I tried to explain to which he said I always have an excuse. I told him it wasn’t an excuse just an explanation.
i think he treats me like this because he thinks i won’t leave. I don’t have a steady income after I gave up my career for my children. I don’t speak to my family so I don’t have a support network etc. I left last night and went to a hotel. I didn’t take the car I walked. He didn’t contact me to see if I was okay or safe. I’ve come home this morning as I have to be a mother and he hasn’t said two words to me or apologised.
Don’t know what to do tbh. I’m not the perfect person but I am a good wife and a good mother and although I haven’t been pulling my weight it’s not because I’m out drinking and partying I’m just struggling to cope. Don’t really know why I’ve posted just feels good to say it all
out loud I guess.