Controlling partner or something else?

[Gurlabouttown]

Haven't seen a close friend for nearly a year. Previously was seeing each other every few weeks, usually so she could vent about her relationship drama. Usually she's been good at balancing seeing friends with seeing her boyfriend, even previously with this guy. Her fella has been off and on with her for years, cheated and she took him back. Lots of red flag behaviour inc silent treatment and checking her messages but she says she loves him. I've been quite neutral about things, just told her to be careful, didn't call him a dick or anything. Things are apparently different now, he's a changed person. The relationship moved fast at the start and when they got back together again. Talking of moving in together straight away.

She's seemingly frozen me out. She'll chat a bit if I get in touch but swerves any mention of meeting up or just ignores it. Social media is full of happy smiley photos of them together (her anyway, he looks quite pissed off a lot of the time, I've not met him btw so only know about the bad behaviour). He seems quite anti social and apparently has no friends of his own.

A number of her other old friends have seemingly been dumped too. But one she still sees frequently. This friend is quite outspoken and I'm sure she's advised her on things before. I'm wondering if her fella is allowing her to have one old friend and isolating her from others. Or is she choosing this herself? She does seem to be rekindling old friendships and making new casual friends, obviously they won't know what happened. So they will think what a lovely couple blah blah.

Anyway another non committal "yeah need to catch up soon" from her tonight when I mentioned catching up. Then she changed the subject. Not sure what to say or do, she's quite hot headed so if I push it she might just lose her rag or block me. But I was wondering if that could be a thing, her fella telling her who she can and can't see, if it's someone he approves of or not. It's like is she so desperate to keep him that she'll lose all her old friends? It's quite sad and I worry.

You could be right, but not sure what you can do about it if she's made that choice. Alternatively she might be avoiding meeting up with you because she's embarrassed to have gone back to someone who she's vented to you about so often.

Maybe, I just find it odd that she'd been embarrassed for so long though. This is a friend of over 20 years. Another friend was on and off with her fella and took him back after he'd been flirting with someone else and she said she was embarrassed to tell me. But she told me in a few weeks and we saw each other soon after, nothing like this.

Also I don't think my friend really gets embarrassed. Maybe wrong but who knows. I certainly would never have thought she'd do this.

OP
Have you given a thought to the fact she may have moved on and not want to see/chat to you as often but feels awful telling you the fact?

Well there is that possibility. I've had a very difficult year and didn't want to think she'd be so callous when she knows what I've been through but who knows.