mismatch sex drive breaking down the relationship

[Ellbella]

Struggling massively at the moment. For the best part of a year we’ve had weekly conversations about how I’m unhappy with our intimacy in our relationship. He’s 28 and im 25 with a 2 year old. My boyfriend works very long hours so it probably doesn’t help his sex drive, as it’s low on a good day! He’s not the most affectionate nor romantic so along with the lack of intimacy it’s really getting me down. I’ve explained till I’m blue in the face what I would like in our relationship and how we could improve it and hes continued to agree but done nothing about it so I’ve now come to realise this is just who he is and we are not compatible sexually. Im now at my wits end and just don’t know where to go from here or what to do. All I want is some more passion and romance. There’s no reason as to why he has very little sex drive, he just says he’s always been this way and doesn’t have much desire. If it stays the same I’ve explained I’m not willing to continue with the relationship as it’s upsetting me on a daily basis now, but can’t seem to justify breaking up a family over our sex life!

How long have you been together for? Has his sex drive changed over time or always been the same?

J@GameChangingNameChange 4 years, it’s never been high no, however it’s gotten worse over time I’m guessing due to his work becoming more demanding and stressful

It's completely reasonable to end a relationship over lack of sexual compatibility. Sex is a big part of life for some people, myself included. I totally understand where you are coming from.

I always say to DP that our lovemaking is the icing on the cake but it’s the tactile affection that cements it…DP is nearly seventy and has a high sex drive but on top of that we cuddle and smooch plenty, and he makes me feel desired and beautiful and cherished every day.

How does your boyfriend make you feel? How do you truly feel about him? Is he your best friend? Does he feel like home?
I get the feeling you aren’t actually that compatible, but maybe therapy together would help communication? Breaking up is doable for any reason, you only get one chance at this life!

Do you pull your weight in the relationship?
You said he works long hours and is probably feeling ‘all touched out’ and stressed - the last thing he probably needs is a sex pest at the end of his long day.
Do you carry out your fair share of the housework? He’s unlikely to feel in the mood if he’s carrying more than his share of the workload.

Weekly conversations about this for the best part of a year was only going to do more harm than good when it came to him wanting sex. It will have most likely made him want it even less.

You've said you're incompatible and this is just the way he is, that's the truth and there's no way to go from there. He's never going to be the way you want and you can't keep bringing this up every week or even every month expecting change, plus it's coercive because there's no way it will create desire, the only sex you'd get would be because he was giving in to make you stop.