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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I practically and emotionally support unemployed and recently disabled DH?

22 replies

NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 16:34

DH was involved in an accident in June which left him with permanent injuries – he lost his sight in one eye and nearly lost his left hand, although doctors managed to save that and he has partial mobility in that hand now after two surgeries. He was off work for some time due to the accident and while he was gone his work decided to make him redundant on capability grounds. He’s now been unemployed since October and is really struggling to find work and I don’t know how to support him.

He has previously worked at a senior level in ops and logistics but just doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere with applications for those kind of jobs. I know the normal advice is ‘take anything just to get back in work’ but honestly, he’s doing even less well applying for jobs below his normal level – at least he’s had a few interviews for the kind of work he used to do, as opposed to nothing at all for lower level jobs. I suspect the reality is that no one wants a visually impaired, mobility impaired 50 year old to stack shelves or do bar work. He is still smart and capable and absolutely able to work, with only a few adjustments, and as such is not eligible for benefits (he has a free bus pass due to the partial blindness) but no one apparently wants to know and it’s really getting him down.

Financially we can cope on my salary, but it’s tough and involves watching every penny, which I think is also something he’s struggling with – he keeps apologising to me like he’s let me down or failed in some way which he really hasn’t – the accident was not his fault at all, or something he could have avoided. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just wish I knew what to do – what practical advice I can offer, or what I can do to show emotional support and make him feel better. I just feel totally lost.

OP posts:
Anameisaname · 22/03/2024 16:37

Has he applied for public sector jobs and/or employers that advertise themselves under the disability confident scheme. Any employer who is looking to increase their diversity in this area should be keen to employ him because adjusting for partial sight is really not that difficult.
It sounds though for him

Anameisaname · 22/03/2024 16:38

Also has he considered challenging the redundancy? That sounds pretty dodge given the accident and disability!

Guiltypleasures001 · 22/03/2024 16:40

Sorry to hear this op and dont want to pry but surely he can get an insurance payout?

Octavia64 · 22/03/2024 16:40

He could apply for ESA employment and support allowance.

www.gov.uk/employment-support-allowance

This is going to be a big change for him.

I'm disabled and I state it up front and most people choose not to interview me or take it further.

I'm now not working at all.

There are agencies that work with disabled people to work out what jobs they could do but they cost money.

Ladyj84 · 22/03/2024 16:41

It may or may not help but because of the loss of sight and now limited mobility have you applied for pip,dla etc as I'm fairly sure he will at least be entitled to the lower amounts

Opentooffers · 22/03/2024 16:44

I would of thought that employment law would not allow redundancy- retirement due to I'll health and severance pay maybe in a high up role?
If it was not his fault, is there a compensation claim in the offing? Also, with those ongoing injuries, I hope he has counselling for his emotional wellbeing.

NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 16:47

Ladyj84 · 22/03/2024 16:41

It may or may not help but because of the loss of sight and now limited mobility have you applied for pip,dla etc as I'm fairly sure he will at least be entitled to the lower amounts

We are in the process of applying for adult disability allowance but I'm a bit anxious based on other people's experiences with it. My stepmother is paraplegic and had to go to tribunal to get PIP because she initially got turned down and she has no use of her legs!

I earn too much for most other benefits and he is able to work so can't get the full ESA or whatever it is called these days.

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 22/03/2024 16:49

Just to clarify was the accident at work?

Justcallmebebes · 22/03/2024 16:49

I know its not answering your question and you haven't given any details about the accident, but can he make a claim? I know this won't help him get back into work but would help with financial worries

NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 16:51

Guiltypleasures001 · 22/03/2024 16:40

Sorry to hear this op and dont want to pry but surely he can get an insurance payout?

This is an ongoing process and has been horribly dragged out due to lawyers wrangling over fault and is another stressor I think. I will try and not share the details as its both outing and probably not something I should share while lawyers are arguing.

OP posts:
toooldtocare · 22/03/2024 16:51

I am not sure if this is any help but have you explored whether the employment services offered by the disability charity Scope might be able to help. I think they help people get back into work.

NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 16:52

Anameisaname · 22/03/2024 16:37

Has he applied for public sector jobs and/or employers that advertise themselves under the disability confident scheme. Any employer who is looking to increase their diversity in this area should be keen to employ him because adjusting for partial sight is really not that difficult.
It sounds though for him

Oh that's a really good shout actually! And absolutely the sort of advice I needed.

OP posts:
EarthSight · 22/03/2024 16:57

Have a look for specialist agencies that deal with this. My sympathies to you Your husband might be being turned down because he's over qualified. I'm not sure how to get around that, other than amending his past duties to downgrade or simplify what he used to do.

Octavia64 · 22/03/2024 17:00

My insurance claim took over a year.

They are not fast.

Agree that with PIP you need to plan to appeal as they turn basically all of them down but I quite understand if you/he do not have the bandwidth to deal with it.

NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 17:04

Opentooffers · 22/03/2024 16:44

I would of thought that employment law would not allow redundancy- retirement due to I'll health and severance pay maybe in a high up role?
If it was not his fault, is there a compensation claim in the offing? Also, with those ongoing injuries, I hope he has counselling for his emotional wellbeing.

One of the super depressing discoveries during this whole process has been just how awful an employer actually can be if they really want to be.

OP posts:
NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 17:10

Octavia64 · 22/03/2024 17:00

My insurance claim took over a year.

They are not fast.

Agree that with PIP you need to plan to appeal as they turn basically all of them down but I quite understand if you/he do not have the bandwidth to deal with it.

Thank you. I'm sorry about your insurance claim but it's reassuring to hear from people who have dealt with similar shit. If/when the claim comes through it will massively help/solve the finances.

I think he'll still feel like shit. I
I think maybe I should be pushing him more towards some kind of counselling but he's bloody awful at admitting he needs help or talking about feelings. He's from a culture where that is very much frowned upon and I feel a bit like I'm beating my head off that particular brick wall.

OP posts:
NavyKoala · 22/03/2024 17:15

@skyeisthelimit - oh that's really helpful. Thank you. I feel sort of dumb for not having thought of this before but that page is offering some of the exact practical stuff I needed.

OP posts:
izzygirlis4 · 22/03/2024 17:22

If the accident wasn't his fault has he requested some interim payments ?
Also as part of the claim he needs to include retraining and loss of future earnings. Keep record of all the jobs he applied for

Tryingtohelp12 · 22/03/2024 17:26

Look into access to work which will support employers financially to make adjustments needed.

disability confident scheme I think will guarantee him an interview if his application meets the requirements of the role. He sounds perfectly employable to me. Could he find a job coach to brush up his cv and coach through interviews? After everything he has been through he probably lacks a lot of confidence and maybe isn’t selling himself as well as he could

RandomMess · 22/03/2024 17:29

I too was going to suggest Access to Work which is provided by DWP. It will fund all sorts of equipment and technology that will support him working.

Such as speech to text software, suitable chair etc.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 22/03/2024 17:31

Seconding the Access to Work scheme as well as other great advice on the thread!

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