11h 30min later , WOW what a eye opener , anyone struggling to understand this behaviour needs to read / listen to this new book .
His lack of empathy , belittling and irrational behaviour , emotion and verbal abuse for years and years has damaged me more than i realise , I need his approval for everything and this is something i need to focus on from now on. my self esteem is no where to be seen , been living his life for him or get called controlling , recently his mental health and playing the victim has worn me done and tipped me over the edge.
meanwhile i work , run the house and raise the kids , he shows little to none attention or affection and when i mentally switch off he suddenly becomes husband of the year when he isnt getting my attention or affection , i mention booking a holiday he sighs ( like hes gonna even book it or pack ) , i get 0 compliments ever ( is that normal ? ) , even when hes in the mood nothing just wondering hands no words or nothing ? no you look nice today or that suits you or have you done your hair/make up , is that common ? im not looking for compliments but still nice to hear now and then.
Im done , new flat nearly completed on and although not far away its all mine and i dont need to ask for permission for anything i can paint and eat cereals for dinner if i want , have loud music on which im not allowed , watch crappy tv.
ive felt stupid and useless for so long , just need a hand hold and a rant to those who have come out the other side. im not even scared to be alone ( well with my 3 little ones ) , i do feel scared and guilty but hoping that shall pass X