Dating at 55-60: age limits and children/grandkids

[CLiz]

Hi Folks
I'm interested in views on how you set your age limits in online dating. I know one might say "any decent port in a storm" but the whole thing is pick and mix.
I got divorced mid-50s (blindsided) and haven't had much luck anyway - I'm pretty affluent and highly educated and so I do have issues that not many chaps match in those terms.

I'm childless not by choice and when I started searched diligently for chaps either with younger kids still at home or with their grandkids - my view is that with a childless man it would be rather quiet to be two people getting older together.

SO I'm currently chatting to a nice man (lesser income but homeowner) who has a 12 year old daughter, who I'd like to make a go of it with, but not sure if he feels the same yet - he's 5 years younger than me. BUT just been contacted by a glossier chap early 70s who I'm meeting for a drink later this week.
Certainly neither is at the "this is a relationship" stage. But I'm just wondering what others think about the age difference with an older man. At 40 and 50 it wouldn't bother me, but once chaps start getting into their 70s do you think there is just not enough "mileage" left in it?
And what is "too young"? I started chatting with a 51 year old with a 9 year old daughter and he was keen to meet up. But I would worry that with a 10 year gap they wouldn't see it as long term and then I'd end up by myself again when nearing 70.

I'm younger than you (late 40s) and would date 40 or over upto around 55.
Older than that. Just no way!! Not attractive to me at all.

I am a similar age to you and have been thinking of online dating. I did it ten years ago and it was partly horrendous and partly fun.

know what you mean about there not being enough ‘mileage’ left if they are in their 70s. However it depends what you are looking for I suppose. I have been thinking of more of a companion to do things with rather than a life partner.

I would also avoid someone with young children even though I have a teenager myself. It’s just too complicated getting to know each other’s families and finding free time for each other. I would rather peace and quiet than entertaining a 9 or 12 year old!

I’m 55 and the thought of dating someone more than about 5 years older really doesn’t appeal.
I had messages from men in their 70’s on OLD and I’ll be honest it made me shudder.

Personally I wouldn’t date anyone with school age kids now. My DS is 19 and I feel I’ve done my time working around kids/childcare and don’t want to go back to that. Plus I’m not interested in blending families either so adult children at arms length works for me.

I'm 56, and if i had to start dating again... firstly i'm not sure i would actually bother with a relationship.. dating would be ok but i feel im passed all the other stuff. I wouldnt want to date someone with children of school age, ive done my time with bringing up children and i've got step-children and it really is a mine field. I think its safe to assume that most within the 50 to 60 age range will have grandchildren. I wouldn't want to date someone much older than me, because i wouldn't want to end up having to take on caring responsibilities.. ive seen my own father in law, lose his wife to illness, and he was so desperate to be with someone, he's now in a relationship with a lady who has alzeimers and her own family are now delighted he's around to look after her so they dob't have too.

Thanks for the replies so far. Yes, the "carer" thing is an issue. Another reason why someone should have children so it is not entirely "my problem",
But then again, my sister's widower is 79. He had a new partner and now he's had a stroke she is round there twice a week, and I do feel for her. But she didn't like her marriage and I think she's had about 8 years with someone she really liked.
I have always turned down those more than 5 years older than me but he lives round the corner and I think would make a good dining pal, so going to see.

Op I'd be mindful of searching specifically for someone with children / grandkids because you would have liked them yourself, it sounds like you'd be potentially setting yourself up for heart ache.

Firstly, a decent guy isn't going to introduce you for a good while. Even when he does a good Dad would make sure he still got good quality time with just their child. The child may not be receptive to daddy's new girlfriend of they've taken the break up badly, he might only see them EOW etc.

For age, I guess there's nothing to lose going on a date if you think they sound interesting. Younger or older, if there's enough to pique your interest, go and see.

At 55 l'd say try to go for roughly 5 years either side, and stick to guys with older children or grandkids.ldeally you want to be free to be able to go away when you want to and not be restricted by school holidays etc. I would just be looking to date and have fun, don't be in a rush to let someone get their feet under your table (so to speak!)

Thanks. I'm actually fed up with being single - I do have a requirement that chaps own their own home, because I don't want to be trying to evict a 75 year old when you don't get on any more and they have nowhere to go. Anyone with school age kids needs to stay where they are anyway.

Watching with interest for when I'm ready to take the plunge again. Definitely don't date men with school age, or under 18 kids. Just come out of that one (and also have teens) You will not be a priority ( even when they can be left for a few hours in my experience).Plans change rapidly, not in your favour. If you're happy to go with the flow & have your own active social life it might work for you.

I online dated when I was 50 I had a twelve year rule either side, it worked for well for me; watch out for serial shaggers and cocklodgers. I dated one guy who ghosted me every other week when he had his 50/50 with his son, needless to say that didn't last long, and a multitude that didn't go further than a coffee date. Have fun, keep your sense of humour and if nothing else you could find yourself with a couple of nice man friends.
PS. I ended up marrying a guy I had known for many years.

OP, good idea to have a requirement that prospective partners have their own homes. The last thing you want is to find yourself with someone who is difficult to shift if it all goes pear shaped. And age wise avoid someone too much older as you really don't want to end up as a nurse with a purse.
l started looking again at your age and although not successful in finding someone right for me l still had fun and met some interesting guys along the way. Good luck!