This is a long one. I don’t know if this is in any way relevant but I’m going to put it here just incase. My ex left me around 5 months ago. I was diagnosed with ppd, my child has never slept through the night not once, at best he wakes every two hours. He is one. My ex never done a night feed, didn’t contribute financially to our home. Erupted when I asked him to watch our child so I could go to the shop in peace. Messaged multiple other women. Abandoned me with a baby multiple times when bringing up any of these issues. In general he is easily angered. His family think the sun shines out his a*se. They made comments about where my child slept/ate etc, barely made an effort with him, made false promises when I was pregnant about how they would be my village - they weren’t. Perhaps I was over sensitive to the way they made me feel, regardless, I felt like they were fake towards me and I was simply a surrogate for their beloved son. Anyway I don’t really drink and one night I got black out drunk and had enough, erupted and pushed his sister and shoved his face. The shame, embarrassment and hatred I felt towards myself along with the ppd I was ready to end it all. I have reached out on many many occasions and it has never been forgiven nor forgotten. I don’t condone my behaviour I want to make that so clearly. I am now in a better place and feel free. Up until a couple of weeks ago I was very much still in love with this man - please don’t ask me why.
His family have taken it upon themselves to save share and dissect my TikTok’s and convince themselves they are about their son/brother. Grown women in their 50s bitching about what I post - strange and mean girl behaviour. For reference it’s mostly bible scriptures, or trends related to kids eg controversial ways you raise your child, one of my MANY opinions is I will teach my son that the family he creates comes before the family he came from ie his future children and partner come before me.
This has annoyed them for whatever reason, and my ex has told me that I am mentally ill and have severe family issues, I am very close to my family - he has fallen out with his for months/years at a time.
My ex has our son who is one, overnight two nights in every 8 nights. He works 4 on 4 off day shift 7-6, on the days he finishes work he comes to see our son if I have the dog we once shared. He has cancelled/changed multiple overnights for nights out/illness, he won’t however comprise with me if I need to change. If I want to communicate about an arrangement for our son he will say to go with the flow or to talk about it later , and later never comes. One occasion last week he asked me to collect our son at 1030pm as he wouldn’t settle for him.
I told him that I think he’s unreliable, cant communicate and inconsistent and he said that I’ve disgusted him with the comments, that I don’t appreciate all he does.
I wfh night shift 9-7am I get to sleep when my baby goes for a nap as I have no childcare. Nights I don’t work my baby is up every couple of hours at best, I don’t work set days neither does his dad so some of the nights his dad has him I’m working. He makes comments like that’s just what a mother does, if I think I have it bad that’s ridiculous, if I were to call CMS they would tell me that he does more than most other single dads. He also told me not to talk to him about exhaustion as he does more work wise, so he is more exhausted.
His sisters ex sees their kids a few hour a week so the bar in their family is set so low, so I know they will be singing his praises. And the family being in his ear is constant and causing even more problems, I don’t know what version I’m going to get. Sometimes he is nice to me and then others he mocks me and just isn’t very nice. He calls me names and makes me feel like crap, that I’m a rubbish mum etc, that his family will never forgive me what what I done. It is draining.
Ultimately I want him to stop coming to my home, I don’t want him to drop off the dog anymore (I’ve only been allowed to see him the last couple of months, before I wasn’t allowed to)
I just feel so uncomfortable and disrespected in my own home, and it lingers. Every time I know I need to see him I’m overcome with anxiety and negativity. I want to stick strictly to the plan we have set up 6 nights with me and then 2 nights at his dad’s.
I really really wanted to have a co parenting relationship that was healthy, I invited him on family holidays - which he has refused to give me permission to take our child on, invited him and his family to plans for our sons first birthday and his first Christmas, all of which had been declined. I think the best thing for me and my mental health is to cut them all off completely and strip it back to absolute minimal contact with my son’s dad.
I am scared that these boundaries I want to put in place will come across that I am stopping my son from seeing his dad but I’m not - he will still have his set days, and I will be happy to arrange FaceTime a few times a week. I know he is going to ask for photos of our son every single day because that’s what he originally done when we first separated and didn’t come to the house.
Should I suck it up and just allow him to continue to come to the house whenever? Or stand my ground and stick to the boundaries. I want to do what is best for my child, but I can not and will not go back to how I felt when this all started. I can’t see me ever being able to move on from all of this, if it continues like this. The family are making my life hell.