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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I can't work out if I'm in the wrong

2 replies

wallybobs · 22/03/2024 07:54

Me and OH have had quite a rocky relationship for a long time. Arguments happen and he's been quite nasty in the past, I'm not sure that I've got over that and have put a bit of a wall up.

We're currently having issues because I feel he's not pulling his weight. He'll wash up sometimes and do a bit of a tidy but wouldn't consider doing washing, cleaning floors, changing sheets etc. he just doesn't think of any of it. So I've grown quite resentful. When I pull him up on it he'll clean and tidy quite aggressively, making me out to be unreasonable for daring to suggest that I do most of it.

I work P/T school hours and am hybrid, he thinks I should be doing more when I'm working at home i.e why is there so much washing up, you've been home all day kind of thing. But when he gets home he'll happily lie on the sofa watching what he wants on tv rather than mucking in.

His main gripe with me is that I don't want sex, at all. I've felt like I have an overgrown teen in the house for a long time and that's dampened any desire I have for him. He just doesn't get this and says I've turned it all on him and am blaming him for everything. When he does sometimes try harder I still don't have a sex drive which annoys him even more. I don't think he sees that it's not going to be an instant thing.

I feel stuck between just saying it's over and trying to make it work. Financially we can't split, neither of us have anywhere to go and rentals have jumped so high in price where we are so it's totally unaffordable for one of us to go. We also can't live together without splitting as the tension is too much and it's horrible for the kids. I feel so trapped and angry with myself for letting it get to this.

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 22/03/2024 08:20

Sounds to me like it's over.

He should be doing more absolutely. I get why you don't want sex of course. I wouldn't with someone like that. I just wonder if he thinks am trying and still nothing changes physically for him so he just goes back to being lazy as he sees what is the point.

I would just like to clarify he should be doing cleaning anyway, not just for sex, what I mean is I reckon that's his male point of view. Because quite often, these kind of men can't see beyond their own needs. It is NOT my personal view.

There are men out there that don't do chores for sex as a reward. I wouldn't fancy a man child either.

Cathbrownlow · 22/03/2024 08:23

This is no way to live, OP. Even if you are stuck for now, if I were you I would be making plans for my escape. The children won't always be children. I would start by increasing my hours at work and /or retraining.

edited to reflect the information you gave which I managed to overlook

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