Am I crazy

[JustLurker]

So I have been with my OH for seven years, we have two beautiful little girls together but since year 2 of the relationship things haven’t been the same. I first caught him cheating when I was pregnant with my first daughter, it has continued since. As far as I’m aware it’s never been physically but the messages he sends to other women are very full on including pictures and videos from
both sides, and inviting a woman round when my youngest was in bed and I was away with my eldest daughter.

I know exactly what people are going to say, that I’m crazy for staying as long as I’ve had but he will go to any lengths to ruin my life if we split up. He will make this as hard as possible but I just don’t think I can do this anymore. I am a broken woman.

I’ve become numb every time I find something new on his phone ( I know I shouldn’t snoop). My plan in life was never to be a single mom and I’m not sure how I will cope.

He is a typical “ it’s not his fault “ it’s my fault for not giving him attention. How can I give attention to someone who gives all his to other women. It’s a constant circle and now become a pattern. I suppose I’m here to ask how I cope financially and how I cope with a man who will do anything to ruin my life when I leave him.

In answer to your question: you already know the answer to this!

What you need to ask yourself is how long are you going to stand by and watch whilst he takes the complete piss and shows you his complete lack of respect and care of you? He is utterly contemptuous of you and is doing it because he knows he can.

How can you go through life like that?
You can’t - you’ll destroy what little you have left of your mental health and self respect.

Are you married? Own or rent your house? Do you work? Can you afford to rent alone? Have you checked what you’ll be entitled to with UC or anything?

Surely anything is better than this?

Please don’t let your children growing up with this toxic relationship as their blueprint for when they’re adults. My ex made my life hell when I left him (for two years, we have zero contact six years later) and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You and your children deserve better. Do you have other people who emotionally support you?

you wont know until you try! and you might actually surprise yourself by how strong and independant you really are.

@theworldie

We aren’t married no, we do rent a house together in which we are both on the tendency and I’m unsure if the landlord would be happy with a single mom being here. How would I get him off the tenancy if it’s a 12 month contract.

I haven’t looked into UC although I work full time so I’m not sure if I would be entitled to anything.

we have a family holiday to Greece in June which we have just paid £4K for. It took us ages to save for it and I don’t want to let the girls down.

I feel strong right now because of how much I’ve put up with but I’m just scared to do this all on my own.

Oh OP, I wish I had more practical advice for you but I’m not an expert on tenancy agreements. I think you need to have a conversation with your LL and explain the situation. You may find they’ll be more than happy to keep you on so long as you can afford the rent alone. Or could you move out and rent somewhere alone?

Re the holiday - if you’re insistent on going and he is too I’m not sure how that’s going to work 🤷‍♀️ will you get anything back if you cancel.

I would speak to Women’s Aid and discuss your situation with them - they may be able to advise you of what you’ll be entitled to. Hope someone more knowledgeable comes along soon xx

inviting a woman round when my youngest was in bed and I was away with my eldest daughter.

I mean, just keep reading this back to yourself OP.

You can’t stay with him, you just can’t. He’s despicable. How can you ever leave your ds’s in his care knowing he would be happy to have a random woman round to shag in your bed whilst your precious children are asleep?

It just beggars belief.

I have a friend who was married to a serial cheater. He did it all their marriage and left her when she was 66. Don't let that happen to you.

So … I did it. It really hurts but I did it. I feel sick, I have no energy for anything but it’s just the start I guess

you will be fine. you have no choice for your children. you'll be surprised at how well you will cope and how happy you will be to be free from your ex. trust me i have been there. you've got this x

I wonder if your now ex will put as much energy into ruining your life as you think or if he'll just put his energy into putting his dick into as many women as possible now he's single.

Either way, he's disgusting and you need to be as far away from him as possible, both physically and mentally.

I wish you and your DC many years of peace and happiness 💐

Congratulations OP. It’s hard, and there are going to be ups and downs along the way I’m sure, but it will get better. One day you’ll wake up and suddenly realise that you’re actually happy again and everything worked out for you and the DCs.
The alternative was just one long spiral downwards for everyone and you knew that deep down.
You should just take a moment to feel proud of yourself. It’s taken courage to improve your circumstances and say “enough is enough”.

Well done for leaving!
This thing is, he was already ruining your life, he had an affair whilst you were pregnant and has continued to cheat...

That can't have made you happy.

At least now you've shown strength to tell him "no more" and you're being a role model to your daughter.

He is no loss! It will be hard at times, but it can't be worse than being with someone who doesn't care for you, your health and your well being

Screw him!!!and all the best to you!!!

You got this

P.S. STBXH left me for OW and it hurt like hell and still does at timea. But times like these will show yiu what you're really made of and most of the time us women are bagasse boss bitches 😀