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Original poster

Shoulder rubs from colleague

30 replies

Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 15:31

My male colleague keeps randomly rubbing my shoulders. Last week I was sitting eating my lunch (I'd had a stressful morning) and he came up behind me and gave me a full on shoulder rub. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time that's happened since January. On other occasions he's squeezed my shoulder and rubbed it when saying thanks for something or mid conversation. I don't really mind it (in fact quite like it) but it's not really normal is it? We're quite good friends outside of work but could he maybe like me more than that?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/03/2024 15:34

could he maybe like me more than that?
How many platonic male friends do you have that give you unsolicited shoulder rubs? Of course he fancies you!

PurplePanda1 · 21/03/2024 15:37

This isn’t normal behaviour as you’ve said yourself. I would say he’s being inappropriately hands on which is a red flag.

PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 15:39

He does this in full view of your workplace? Even if I fancied the pants off him I'd find this fucking creepy and inappropriate.

MerryChristmasToYou · 21/03/2024 15:44

I'd find this inappropriate too.

MsDogLady · 21/03/2024 15:46

I would be very uncomfortable with that. Are you both single,@Bellalalalala?

Original poster
Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 15:51

MsDogLady · 21/03/2024 15:46

I would be very uncomfortable with that. Are you both single,@Bellalalalala?

Edited

Yes, both single

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 15:52

PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 15:39

He does this in full view of your workplace? Even if I fancied the pants off him I'd find this fucking creepy and inappropriate.

Yeah, doesn't matter if other people are around 😳

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 21/03/2024 15:53

Totally inappropriate!

solice84 · 21/03/2024 15:55

Wildly inappropriate

Original poster
Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 15:55

Is it inappropriate even if I quite like it and don't tell him to stop? I've never asked him to do it but have never asked him to stop either and have indicated that it feels nice. I know it's obviously not a normal platonic thing to do

OP posts:
PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 15:59

Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 15:55

Is it inappropriate even if I quite like it and don't tell him to stop? I've never asked him to do it but have never asked him to stop either and have indicated that it feels nice. I know it's obviously not a normal platonic thing to do

Thing is, it looks a bit dodgy all round. Both of you are potentially coming across as inappropriate in the workplace. Next time he attempts to do it, tell him a stern no. If he continues to try to do it, you need to pull him aside and tell him to cut it out, or escalate it further.

PurplePanda1 · 21/03/2024 16:18

If he does this in your workplace uninvited what else is he capable of? It is really inappropriate. However if you like him in spite of this then crack on.

ChanelNo19EDT · 21/03/2024 16:19

You quite l8ke it??? He's picking up on that

Original poster
Bellalalalala · 21/03/2024 17:22

Very interesting to see others opinions! Not mentioned it to anyone at work and no one ever says anything to me but are probably gossipping about it to each other - ha!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/03/2024 21:04

I wouldn't like it and agree it's inappropriate.

If I were attracted to someone I worked with and they did this, it would really put me off them. At the very least, I'd be uncomfortable with the fact they did it in view of others; I'd find it presumptuous if someone I wasn't in a relationship did it; it would feel very unprofessional (because it is).

I would see it as him marking his territory in full view of others.

pleasecallmeback · 21/03/2024 21:06

Ugh, what a creep. Tell him to take his hands off you. Your colleagues are probably recoiling in horror at the pair of you.

SpringleDingle · 21/03/2024 21:07

I would consider this sexual harassment and I would very firmly tell him not to the first time and report him HR the second (in fact been there and done that). The fact that he keeps doing this and you haven’t both discussed it is a red flag - unless you’ve made it clear you enjoy his attentions. I can’t get past the 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 thought of being mauled by a work colleague yuck!

Superdupersomeone · 21/03/2024 23:00

If you like it and like each other there's nothing stopping you dating or talking about if you want more than friendship. I really would stop the shoulder rubs though, I'd hate to be one of your colleagues when that's going on. I'd be cringing my arse off being witness to that to be honest.

NonmagicMike · 21/03/2024 23:08

To answer from experience yes, he’s into you. I did this to my now partner some six years ago - we both work in healthcare professions, and touch was maybe a bit more accepted than in an office, however, she said it’s one of the reasons she fell in love with me. Good with my hands 😉

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 21/03/2024 23:17

I had a male manager who used to do this randomly to both men & women in the office. He was good at it, but still, it was weird. He was married, but very touchy-feel with everyone. Thankfully he moved on.

penjil · 21/03/2024 23:21

I wouldn't mind shoulder rubs from male colleagues. I wouldn't care who was watching. As a single woman with tight neck and shoulders, bring it on!

And if you like the man, and he likes you, then no problemo. 👍

Odiebay · 21/03/2024 23:26

It's actually classed as sexual harassment at work. We have work training on it every quarter. Even if you don't mind it. It's inappropriate. Why do you think he's doing it? He just wants to touch you.

Notcontent · 21/03/2024 23:35

I think everyone needs to calm down a bit. OP did say she is good friends with this person…

betterangels · 21/03/2024 23:40

Superdupersomeone · 21/03/2024 23:00

If you like it and like each other there's nothing stopping you dating or talking about if you want more than friendship. I really would stop the shoulder rubs though, I'd hate to be one of your colleagues when that's going on. I'd be cringing my arse off being witness to that to be honest.

Me too. It's inappropriate at work.

unsync · 21/03/2024 23:44

Are we back in the 1980s?

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