ED after surgery

[Wizadora2]

Hi, not sure if this is best placed here.

So husband has had some major surgery, one of the side effects is that he cannot get an erection anymore.

He has used viagra a few times but there are some side effects of that too and also due to nerve damage I think it had a limited effect.

DH is a considerate lover and will do other things but in all honesty, I miss PIV. How to get past this without making him feel emasculated?

It's a devastating loss to come to terms with, and the effect can be often understated I think. I experienced this in a previous relationship after my partner had prostate surgery, and did a lot of research at the time, though it was a few years back now. If Viagra etc are not working he could explore injections which can be effective even if there is nerve damage, or even an implant, but it's a tricky one to discuss and you have my sympathy. Recovery can take a long time (if at all), up to a couple of years iirc.

How open would he be to the idea of you purchasing items from somewhere such as lovehoney or even (i don’t know how sexually liberal you are as a couple) introducing someone else while your dh is also involved with sensual kissing, etc?

I really understand how difficult it must be for both of you. And it's clear that you love him, because you care about not emasculating him. But there's nothing wrong with you admitting that this is affecting you and that you're struggling.

This is a tricky situation to navigate, because no one knows your husband like you do. Nobody can tell how he will react to certain things. But the more you communicate, the more you'll both learn to deal with this new situation.

There are quite a few things you could try, and they are worth a conversation. Maybe even with a sex therapist who could help you navigate what you're both comfortable with.

But most of all, you both need time to basically grieve, because you've lost part of who you ar as a couple. And no sex toy or implant will ever really compensate that loss. It's a loss that you can hopefully carry together.