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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Telling the kids they won’t see him anymore

9 replies

Screentrilogy · 20/03/2024 19:59

SIL (DHs sister) has just ended her 5 year relationship with her DP. We have 2 young children who absolutely adore him and he’s been fantastic with them. They saw him once every couple of weeks with SIL and we’ve all been away on holiday together.

He’s a lovely man but they just grew apart. Apparently he’s absolutely devastated that he won’t see the kids anymore and they will be gutted too. I do want to explain to them that he won’t be with SIL when she visits otherwise they’ll just ask her where he is and that will be upsetting and she’ll get emotional. Or should I not explain and just let them forget him? They are 5 and 2 so have known him all their lives.

(obviously we are supporting SIL though this too, but I’m asking for advice about the children as that is less straightforward to deal with)

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 20/03/2024 20:03

You are over thinking this.
Wait and see if the 5 year old even asks where x is.
The 2 year old is a baby and will hardly be aware.

mindutopia · 20/03/2024 20:14

Yes, just explain that they decided they can’t be together anymore and though he’s lovely and really enjoyed spending time with them, he won’t be visiting with her anymore. Honestly, it won’t be a big deal.

BIL and his partner split after 15 years together. The kids did mention her a bit, and we all called his eventual new partner (met about 6 months later) the old partner’s name a few times. 😬 But no big deal. My youngest (maybe 3/4 at the time) has absolutely no memory of her now.

Screentrilogy · 20/03/2024 20:20

ZekeZeke · 20/03/2024 20:03

You are over thinking this.
Wait and see if the 5 year old even asks where x is.
The 2 year old is a baby and will hardly be aware.

They will 100% ask where he is. The 2 yo can home from nursery today with a picture she says she wants to give him. They argue over who gets to sit next to him when he visits.

OP posts:
aurynne · 20/03/2024 20:24

Why won't they see him anymore? If you and your DH are ok with it, he can still come and see the kids if he is really interested. I continue to keep contact and visit my ex-DH's nephews, not as frequently as when we were together, but as often as I can, because I love them and they love me.

Screentrilogy · 20/03/2024 20:37

I’m not planning to stay in touch with him and I doubt he would be planning that either. Just looking for advice on how to approach his sudden absence with the kids.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 20/03/2024 20:38

Tell them the truth. Don't promise anything without him being agreeable.

ZekeZeke · 20/03/2024 20:38

You are creating drama where there is no drama.
Just wait and see if the kids actually ask where he is.
The eldest may ask once or twice but that's it.

Screentrilogy · 20/03/2024 21:18

ZekeZeke · 20/03/2024 20:38

You are creating drama where there is no drama.
Just wait and see if the kids actually ask where he is.
The eldest may ask once or twice but that's it.

There is no drama. I’ve asked about how/if I should tell them. They will definitely ask and be disappointed that he’s not there and I don’t want SIL to have to do the explaining while she’s still feeling heartbroken.

OP posts:
Screentrilogy · 20/03/2024 21:19

BirthdayRainbow · 20/03/2024 20:38

Tell them the truth. Don't promise anything without him being agreeable.

I won’t be promising they’ll see him again. They won’t be.

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