Hi.
So I really try to like my boyfriends mum because she has a good heart, she's kind, present, and just a good person basically but little things about her make me feel really unable to tolerate her.
Here are just a few examples...
When me and my boyfriend got together, I lived in a studio flat, after so long he moved in there for a while with me before we got a bigger place, I had had countless problems with this flat including rodents, damp, etc etc. so when I left I refused to do a deep clean, I emptied it but as they never sorted my issues I kept telling them about I refused to spend hours cleaning it when I was living in a flat that smelt like dead rodents for months on end. When we were leaving I mentioned this to her and she said I should clean it, I said that I wasn't going to and explained my reasoning why. The next day my partner had given her a key to pick up some of his stuff while she was at work and she took it upon herself to clean the flat. I know this came from a completely good place and it was kind of her to do so but I felt like she completely overstepped, it was my studio flat that I was living in before her son even came into my life and I was standing my ground by not doing a deep clean for a reason that she just ignored.
Secondly, she calls and texts my boyfriend every day all day, and I know that's not weird within itself but it's literally for no reason other than to ask him what he's up too, what he's watching on tv or having for dinner, or to pester him about messaging his cousins to meet up and to have them round our house, sometimes we will sit down together in the evening with dinner and she will just call and I feel like I'm sat there sharing the evening with my partner and she just doesn't see any sort of boundary? If he doesn't answer her texts because he's sleeping or out with his friends she will contact me to ask if he's okay. Baring in mind he's thirty.
Thirdly, we once had a drunken argument and it got pretty heated to the point he left the house to give it space and he obviously told her about it which is fine because I know we all need someone to vent to other than our SO but she then turned up to our flat, to talk to me, I explained to her what happened and both of our parts in it and all she could do was say things like well 'he said you did this or he said it's your fault!!' As if to just come round and lecture me about it. I felt like a complete child.
Lastly, my boyfriend recently turned veggie. I am vegan and have been for 7 years so way before we got together, so obviously I influenced him but I in no way forced him to do this ATALL. If my partner wants to eat meat that's on them, I was so laid back towards it that I even made him meat sandwiches for lunch. But a few weeks ago they were in a shop together and he was picking things up for veggie based salads for work and she said to him 'you do know that you're allowed to eat what you want'. This annoyed the hell out of me!! As if she was saying I was controlling him and making him do it!! He told her it was his choice and she just said 'oh'.
I said lastly but one more thing.. and I am probably just massively overthinking this but for his birthday I wanted to take him on a city break so I took him to amsterdam, she wanted to chip in half for his 30th which of course is completely fine and much appreciated. But then when me and her were discussing his birthday I said I'd also give him €100 to take with him. She said oh okay well so will I then, then turns up on his birthday with that and a £100 coat, it's fine, he is her son but I felt abit like she was trying to have one up on me??? Like I said I could be completely over thinking that part.
Anyway the bottom line is, she just really annoys me and I feel mean for even saying it but I can't help how I feel. We are planning for a baby soon and I feel like she will irritate me even more during that. She constantly messages him telling him to text family members or invite them over, including his drug addict father who he has CHOSEN not to speak to, saying make sure you text him tonight to thank him for a birthday card!! I know it's not even my business but when she babies him that much it also makes me feel like a child. He loves his mum clearly and I would never want to get between them but I feel sometimes like she makes me feel like the other woman, as silly as that sounds.
It might be worth mentioning that my mum died three years ago and I could also be somewhat bitter that I don't have a mum anymore, but my feelings are my feelings I guess :/