Should they just learn to laugh at this?

[LadyJH]

My DS (7) makes the odd, innocent, jokey, reference to (MFIL)grandad's fat tummy. DP is mortified whenever it happens (which is seldom) and tells me off for having a DS who has no manners! He is a good boy and really doesn't mean any harm. Obviously, I've told him not to joke about grandad's tummy because it may upset him, but the odd moment still happens. At Easter lunch DS said 'if I eat too much pudding I will get a tummy like grandad'. Is that really so bad? The thing is, grandad is REALLY FAT and it is probably about time someone told him!

IMO they should learn to take a joke and remember that DS is a child!

Good grief we have a lot of fat people in this family and I remember my niece and nephew commenting on it a lot. I think the odd comment is fine like the one about if he eats too much pudding will he get a fat tummy like his grandad.

However there is a balance, as long as the comments are jokey or genuine questions and not constant that is OK.

BTW I am sure your FIL is well aware of his weight. If you think he needs to be made aware of the health implications there are better ways to do it than via a 7 year old's jokes.

The thing is, grandad is REALLY FAT and it is probably about time someone told him!

he probably is aware of that and doesn't appreciate being reminded !

I think what might be an ok thing to laugh at in a 5 year old gets a bit dodgy as they get older.

It is a case of being tactful and considerate of other people's feelings. Not everyone appreciates being told "obvious" things about themselves - especially if it is caused by a non-obvious reason that they don't have much control over.

I find my dd's do this, mostly it seems to be inspired by Peppa Pig since they always seem to be making reference to Daddy Pig's big tummy

I try to discourage them doing it though as even I don't like having my tummy talked aboug

I think your ds is too old to be doing this - 3 would be OK, but not 7.

My dd is 7, and I'd definitely be cross with her if she felt she was entitled to "twit" people, whether family or not.

Your ds means no harm but at 7 I'd have hoped he'd be a bit more aware to keep some of his thoughts to himself? My dd is 5 1/2 and she knows not to make personal comments about people in a way that they can hear. If she wants to tell me she noticed her friends mum had a 'squidgy bottom' (one of her unfortunately favourite things to notice about women) she wouldn't dream of saying it to them. Perhaps the grandfather's weight is quite a depressing issue for them and not a joking matter?

The thing is, my dp often comments on my fat bum in front of the children, but expects them not to do the same thing about his father. Talk about mixed messages. I suppose because I just laugh it off (my bum IS big) we have taught him that it is ok to speak your mind and/or joke about such things. Another sit down chat is required for both dp and ds, methinks!

"DP is mortified whenever it happens (which is seldom) and tells me off for having a DS who has no manners!"

..to me this implies that your DP takes no responsibility for DS's behaviour. Not on, IMHO.

dp is stepdad to ds, so whenever he does something bad, it is obviously my fault!

My boys have obviously been taught at school (hasn't come from me) that fat is a rude word and they react to it as if it's swearing. IMO that's a bit OTT, but I don't think a 7yo should be throwing unkind insults about.

My 3 year old says the same thing. He says "Im going to eat all my food and get nig and fat like Grandad / Auntie Flubdub."
neither of which are fat, or even overweight! It always makes us laugh, including the people he has called fat!

Oh, just noticed that hes 7.
I probably would have stopped it by then I think. I think its maybe a little unreasonable to expect elderly to take (albeit jokey) insults from a 7 year old.

7 way too old to be making comments like this - I'd be very unhappy if my DS (also 7) made a comment like this.

Imagine that it wasn't to your FIL but to a teacher or a lady at church why should we afford less respect to our family than to others?

As someone who has been told she is fat for the whole of her life I would urge you to nip this in the bud. Yes children are more blunt than adults & we should give them some understadning for that. But they need to learn than making a joke at someone elses expense can be very hurtful and isn't the polite thing to to do. There is a big difference between gently telling someone you are worried about their health because of their weight and joking to someone else that they don't want to end up like them

I am sorry for you having to have the sit-down chat with your dp though ... as this stuff (ie, his commenting on you) can be so ingrained that it can be really hard to tackle. I suppose the fact that you can show him a clear double standard (in that he disapproves of the same thing in your ds) will help.

(Anyway, this is really why your ds should give himself a chance not to have that habit, by stopping it now.)

my daughter calls her grandad fat and bald....he thinks she is hilarious....it's not bad manners it's just children have a one way view of looking at the world....they say it as it is

Not sure they should still be saying it as it is when they're 7 though, Fawkeoff; this is an age where innocent prattle should really be giving way to manners. A 7-year-old is either at, or due to start, Junior school; how would you feel if he went up to the headteacher and called him fat? And what are the penalties for calling the headteacher fat?

My ds, who is the same age, knows he can joke (in private) about me being fat, because I'm not, so it's not a sensitive subject. He understands that he can't make similar jokes about somebody who is fat, or about me in the presence of other people who are fat so might not like the subject... in fact, he knows that this is a family joke that must not be used except in private. He knows it because it's been explained to him.

That's all you can do. Explain, make it clear that you will not take kindly to any breaches of this rule, and if he finds it difficult to remember, make sure that noone in the family makes fat jokes. Ever. We have a swear kitty for similar reasons, to bring home the fact that noone in the family is allowed to swear, not even Mummy.

tbh my DD is only 5 and she understands that to comment like that about how people look is not nice.
I think at 7 he should be getting past that and it would bother me a little if he wasn't picking up that grandad doesn't like it

IMHO it's rude.

Turn the tables - would your 7yo like the "seldom, therefore OK" remark about one of his features that would not be too easy to change?

Imagine every so often, but regularly enough, your FIL or someone said "I hope the wind doesn't change and leave my ears poking out as much as X's!"

Not funny and very rude - no matter what age the person saying it is (and that goes for your DP too!) IMHO; even a young child can be told "No, we don't say that - it's rude"