Husband being odd

[Barteamleader79]

My husband & I have been married for 5 years . Last year he moved out into his own flat as we were getting on each others nerves, I was doing everything in the house all the chores while he came home from work every day and sat on the couch while I waited on him hand and foot . We both loved each other and didn’t want to split up and see each other few times a week . Just recently his mood has become low unless he’s talking about people at work & what a laugh they all have . He’s had flu for a few weeks so we didn’t see each other and on Saturday he was very distant for me & while shopping reached up to a cute plush & said “I know someone who would love this” I responds don’t even think about buying this for anyone . I’ve tried discussing it with him and he doesn’t elaborate ie who he intended to but it for I feel hurt by this so you think I am being paranoid ?

Well, he might be depressed. He might also have someone else, or just want you to believe that he does.

He moved out and whenever he decides to come home you wait on him hand and foot? How has it got to this? Why do you feel you exist to serve him?

Well isn't he sitting like a king!

He gets a convenient wife to occasionally bang and wait on him hand and foot when he deems a visit necessary and all the while living the life of a single man in his own flat and buying little treasures for other people and probably sleeping with them too.

Damn straight you should be paranoid. He's practically flaunting it in your face.

"while shopping reached up to a cute plush & said “I know someone who would love this” I responds don’t even think about buying this for anyone"

Uh what? Are you teenagers?

Seriously though, he wants you to think there's someone else (or maybe there is), you don't live together as you "get on each others nerves" and only see each other a few times a week?! That is not a marriage in any way, shape or form.

Also, he didn't have "flu" for a few weeks at all.

You’ve been living separately for a year? I wouldn’t be surprised if he has met someone in that time or had even before hence why you were both unhappy. What are your plans moving forward? Surely you can’t be married and live separately indefinitely. Why don’t you think of making a split final?

Sounds like it's done and dusted.

It may be very hard to hear, OP, and I'm terribly sorry to say it. But he may have another family. Please find people - family, friends, professional help - closer to you to talk to you about this and begin to consider your situation very seriously.

Yeah, he’s exploiting your unusual set up and has met someone else. He’ll lead you to believe his mental health is somehow suffering so you're sorry for him and continue to do everything, while enjoying himself with someone else.

Another day, another selfish prick of a man.

And the flu was a lie.

I don't think you're being paranoid. I think you feel like a woman might feel if their husband would rather live in a flat on his own presumably without hired help so he has to do everything himself anyway, than stay in the family home and lift a finger because he views you as a servant.

That is literally how much he thinks of you.

Setting aside the heavy hinting that he's about to buy a teddy for someone, and then won't tell you who that is or what he meant. He is a juvenile OP, he's not fit for anyone to be married to. You've actually done the seperation already, just make it official.

I honestly don't know how women love men who treat them so badly.

Had the flu or busy seeing someone else? Come on, the signs are right in front of you.

My first thought about ‘the flu’ was that it was actually Covid and it had floored him.

Doesnt explain his behaviour though.

If he's living in his own flat after just 5 years married then your marriage is up shit creek quite frankly.

Tbh it sounds like it's over and he's too much of a coward to tell you that. Or he's met someone and is still too much of a coward to tell you that.

It sounds as if you need a proper conversation.

I'm sorry OP, paint it any way you like, but I don't think this situationship is feasible long term.

I think he's trying to hint, he's got someone else, that's quite bold to say that about the plush toy and not wanting to say who, he wants you to to dump him so he can move on. He he starts making excuses about not being available in the next few days, you know why.

The sort of marriage where you dislike each other to the point that living separately is the best solution, is a failed sort of marriage. Stop flogging a dead horse and let this one go. Him moving out is a blessing, it means the hardest steps are already taken and now it's just formalising the split.

I mean.. I’m sorry but this isn’t really a marriage is it? By only four years in you dislike each other so intensely you can’t even bear to live together… and that’s before I start oh his blatant disrespect towards you and the fact he clearly doesn’t actually seem to like you much ag all.

Why on earth do you wait on him hand and foot? We’re you raised to believe men are superior and women exist to serve them? Or do you think if you behave this way, he’ll be happy and won’t cheat? I can’t understand why any woman would relegate herself to skivvy.