How long before commitment?

[Crazycrafter1]

I've been messaging someone for around 3 months. We currently see eachother 2/3 times a week depending on our commitments. He has used the word 'girlfriend' but then says we are too old for that (both early 40s). We'vd had a chat about us both wanting a relationship. However, he is still on dating apps. He knows this has upset me. I just thought we were heading into a relationship but it seems like I am getting mixed signals.

If he’s still on dating apps despite knowing it upsets you then this isn’t a mixed signal.

Yanbu

It's not that he doesn't like the word girlfriend, it's that he doesn't like the word commitment.

You unfortunately aren't compatible, and it sounds like he's just not that into you.

I'm sorry. 💐

How much longer of non-exclusivity are you willing to endure realistically? and would this other person care about the answer if you told them?

I'd say around the three month mark is when the proper chat about being exclusive needs to be had. If he's not ready to be exclusive at this point then I don't think he's ready for commitment and you should move on

I'm getting to the point of having enough but not sure how to communicate that without sounding needy. I'm not entirely sure what he'd say in all honesty

2-3 times a week and still finding time for others? Has he recently come out of a long term relationship and acting like a kid in a sweet shop, or has he a long history of short relationships and never sticks it out? Sometimes history can tell you a lot about a person's current behaviour.

He was in a 14 year relationship that ended 4 years ago. Since then he has had a 6 month relationship (said it felt more like frienship) and a 9 month relationship (said she refused to commit and label the relationship).

Saying how you feel and what you want isn't needy. If it continues with this guy so be it, but it shouldn't be at the expense of what you value.

Let this one go, he's playing you, all the benefits of a girlfriend without having to stop looking around and probably seeing others and you're letting him so he'll string you along. You are worthy of more than this, don't waste time on a man that doesn't value you.