4 years ago I met 2 brothers, let’s call them Sam and Ben. I started a relationship with Ben, whilst Sam was casually seeing my friend, which quickly fizzled out. They were working in my area at the time, but are usually based around 4 hours drive away. Despite the distance me and Ben are still going strong, we spend every weekend together, as well as times he’s off work, and have literally never argued, he’s so laid back it would be impossible to argue with him I think! We’ve also been on lots of holidays together, with each other and in the last year or so with my DC too.
Neither brother had ever had a serious relationship, despite being in their mid-late 30s, and for this reason it’s been a very slow burner with Ben. I have had to gently cajole him along at times. I would love to get married, I adore him, but he’s made it clear he wouldn’t ever want to get married. I’m past the age of wanting any more children, so it’s not a massive deal breaker. He also doesn’t want to live with me, he likes his own space, which I can understand as I do too, and also I have my teenage DC to consider. My DC think he’s great BTW, but they also like it just being the 3 of us.
Sam was single for ages after things fizzled out with my friend, and was adamant he just wanted to be single forever. But then he obviously had a change of heart, and last year started online dating and met someone who he’s been seeing since. She lives a lot closer to the area they work in than I do, but because they work such long hours, and get accommodation through work, they both only see their GFs at weekends.
Ben and Sam were renting a house together until recently, but that has ended. So Ben decided he was going to buy a house near me, so he’d be based in my area properly at weekends and when he’s not working. This was a massive step forward, like I say it’s been a very slow burner. However I recently saw Sam and his GF at an event and she said that Sam was going to be moving in with her, as they’re ’at that stage’. She’s in a very similar position to me, in terms of living arrangements (similar age DC, both in rented housing). Except that she hasn’t even been with Sam a year yet, and it’s been 4 years for me and Ben.
I know that I shouldn’t compare my relationship to theirs, but it’s taken the wind out of my sails a bit. I would love things to move a bit faster than they are with Ben, but I appreciate that living with someone with DC isn’t for everyone. Both brothers are very similar characters, or so I thought, but Sam has really come out of left field here and decided that he’s going to go from being grumpy and on his own forever, to Mr Romance.
It doesn’t help that Sam’s gf is clearly competitive about ‘whose relationship is the best’, and loves telling me all about the super romantic things that Sam has done for her, which tbf Ben has never really done for me.
But at the same time, Ben has been the most steady, dependable, generous and honest guy with real integrity, and in 4 years there’s nothing about him I don’t like. I was perfectly happy until I started comparing our situation to Sam and his GF’s, and now I feel a bit…inadequate I suppose, and sad that Ben doesn’t want those things with me. I can see the next thing being a proposal from Sam to his GF and honestly that would kill me I think.
I’m being a dick aren’t I? Ben is an absolute unicorn of a man and I am in danger of fucking it up because I wish he would progress our relationship in a similar way to Sam is with his.