Did anyone stay and regret it?

[Memories0]

Just that really. Did you stay with your boyfriend / H and regret wasting your best years ? You knew deep down that he wasn’t right, he wasn’t treating you right and you never felt truly happy but you stayed anyway.

I have this nagging feeling everyday.

no, I left and it all turned out great

happier, healthier, wealthier, emotional needs met, lovely family

Yes. Twice (i know) and in both instances when i left the sun came out again.

I regret the opposite I regret leaving as wasting my best years anyway as not been able to meet anyone else anyway and feel like by the time I do I will be old and and lost my best years anyway

I regret staying and wasting the best years of my life with someone who simply wasn’t worth my time, health, energy and loyalty.

Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. This is your one shot. So why are you sticking with someone who doesn’t treat you right and makes you unhappy every day?

Yes. Disaster ensued. Don’t just listen to the voice, act on it. Right now

Yes

He talked me into forgiving him and returning. I was mad. I'd done the hard part. I had to use up all the same energy to leave the second time.

Yes
I'm a year divorced now, but I got divorced way too late
I'm now dating a great guy - he got divorced 10 years ago - when I should have got divorced. So I also have this "if only" - maybe we'd have been married for 10 years by now (ok ok, that's a major major stretch and totally not realistic, but you get the idea).

Yes. Stayed far too long. Don’t do it.

It’s the sunken cost fallacy isn’t it?

You feel like the X amount of years you’ve spent with them will be wasted. When the reality is you will be wasting many more if you stay.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

@theworldie - what a brilliant expression! Says it all.

Yes, I stayed and absolutely regret it. After 7 years of marriage, OH had a one night stand. Eventually, he told me about it but only because he was terrified he'd caught an STD. He hadn't, but couldn't let go of the thought that he had and wanted reassurance - FROM ME! - that he hadn't.

After a few months of this, I said I'd had enough and wanted a divorce. That stopped the need for reassurance straight away and I unfortunately allowed myself to be love bombed back into a relationship with this narcissist. I can't say I have ever really felt happy with this person but staying has always been easier than leaving.

Back then, I was 30 in a good career, now I'm 53 with a minimum wage job, although I have saved enough money to leave. However, I'm now too trauma bonded/terrified of unleashing narcissistic hell/whatever, to actually do it. FML. I will do it. Someday.

Don't do what I did and stay, because it's the easiest option and it might get better. It won't.

This sounds very similar to my situation, I'm in my 30s and have a little girl so debating on what to do...

Please leave if you are unhappy.
I should have left him after a year when I was pregnant, but was too scared of being on my own with a newborn.
There's always a reason not to leave.
I finally managed to get away after 23 years when, frankly, things had got intolerable.
Yes I feel that I wasted too many years on my waste of space exh
But now I am happy with a wonderful partner and a fantastic life.
You can be happier than you thought possible.

Yes. I was prepared to leave and then when I didn't all those feelings of wanting to leave came back again, it caused even bigger anxiety the second time around 💓

I hover every day.

I regret staying as long as I did. I should have left a few years before I did. I was afraid of being alone. Afraid of being able to cope. Afraid of destroying the dcs lives. Afraid of losing my "comfortable" life. When the split finally happened it was far far worse than it would have been had a left earlier. The split was acrimonious which means that the children (and exH) DID suffer far more than would have had I had the courage to leave when I knew I should.

I know no one who regrets leaving and many who regret staying. Even more who are in unhappy relationships.

One major reason to leave a bad relationship is so that the children do not grow up with a bad example of a relationship.

Believe me when l say although it's scary it be better long term.

Oops