feeling subservient

[dividedself]

typing onehanded...baby on lap...

i never know when i am being demanding or subservient can you help me determine in this scenario please?

me, working away and no mobile signal at place of work- missing dp and children greatly...

i can phone when i am away from work base so at random times of day inc. when dp at work. this has been ok,mostly.

today, i phone while on nursery run and dp offers to phone back, which he does

we chat about plans for weekend, tying up loose ends then he says, "right gotta go, bye" and puts phone down mid me saying "okay i'll call such and such a time,love you, etc." i realise i am alking to self so i call him up and say er, i was saying goodbye and telling you when you could catch me later. to which he gets quite stroppy and says "i'm working, speak later,goodbye"

he apparently got busy but he is only serving customers in his shop and the rest of convo he was talking and serving.

we both know that it's not best practice to be on phone but it seems he's able to ignore that until he's said all he has to in the call.

anyway, i was rather hurt and now he;s texted and said i''m mad.

just checked email and he's also mailed to say pls do not phone again while i'm at work - it's rude to customers.

now. I'm thinking he be an arrogant twat. but maybe i'm over reacting?

I know the above is quite trivial but it is actually indicative of a quite frequent attitude he seems to display so i need to know is it me or is it him?

It could be him not wanting to lose his job after his manager has had a sharp word about making personal phone calls whilst serving customers.

Happens to me once a week. Have reacted EXACTLY like you and like a dog with its fangs in a soft toy I have been relentessly nagging him about it and saying it is rude, impolite, disrespectful, how would he feel if I did it, etc, etc.

He said sorry and gave his reasons which quite frankly were rubbish (custies, conf call)

It is him. In a quiet moment, ask him how he would feel if you did that to him.

There should always be enough time for waiting for your other speakers response. It's plain being taken for granted...a la: Oh, it's just Alex, she'll be all right with it.

You'll have to watch those little tiny slips of respect to stop him making bigger ones.

Sorry for the rant, just 10mins ago, exact same thing happened agn and I'm still fuming.

He could have texted back later, saying he was sorry for cutting you off, but he never did. I think it's just rude.

If it was a work issue, then why did he never mention it before?

ok alexa- you and me both feel the same about it!

I think i's fine to cut the convo short, but you can allow a milli second in almost every situation for that other person to say "oh,ok, speak after tea" or whatever.

He didn't even have anything big happen and it's his shop, (hope that answers your point annieGYG,thanks )he just decided he didn't want to talk any longer so he stopped. I think it is rude and smacks of quite an arrogant self serving attitude underneath the more lovely things about this man.

OK, yes it does

Probably when he's on the phone with the excuse of customers isn't a good time to tackle him then, as he has the option of cutting you off. I'd pick some time to bring up the subject when he can't get away. Politely, of course, always politely - one rude so-and-so in the partnership is more than enough. But firmly.

thanks again.

but isit worth trying to negotiate with someone like this- or is it my duty to calmly 'manage' him? is that the key? i am obstinate as a rule

So am I...

Personally, I think it all went downhill when I gave up my job? We're due to move in 2 weeks. I worked in the City before and earned really good money. Now, pregnant, I'm sitting at home packing and organising and I really feel the power balance has shifted.

Just had a call back and harsh words were exchanged and I'm crying. I know, silly me. I just wish I hadn't given up my independence. I feel like I'm worth less than him and it shows in stuff like this whereas he lets business contacts blab on for ages about nothing.

Really down, just a shite day. Again.

Don't even wanna move anymore as it all feels so wrong between us at the mom.

Divided,

be calm if you can. Emphasize how you feel when he does that and try to get him to see it from your angle. What if the roles were reversed? How would that feel for him?

Wishing you more luck than I'm having at the mom.

If hes at work hes at work regardless of whether he has a boss or not.

FWIW it really irritates me when shop assistants are chatting on the phone while I'm waiting for them to serve me, very unprofessional and not v customer service focussed!

Cant you call when hes not at work?

sorry but I have to side against you here. Obviously I do not know all the ins and outs but, speaking as a dad and husband, I often feel that my DW just doesn't realise that I am at work, possibly stressed, and it may just not be the right time to talk. It does seem as though he did at least make an effort. He is in a very customer facing environment and it is not easy to talk. I also find it really rude when someone who is serving me is on the phone.

It doesn't seem to be that he never calls you. I really think you are being unreasonable and using the word subservient is very excessive. He was wrong to text you to say you are mad but it can be very stressful to try to meet someone's needs when it is not possible to do so. I am sure he wants to meet your needs but it seems as though it was not possible at that moment.

You know, it can be hard for dads too...

I agree with posting really.

Maybe the problem here is more to do with your expectations of how a phone call should end being different to his expectations. I would be a bit pissed off if I was at work and ended a call saying "right gotta go, bye" and hung up and the person called back to have a go a me for not ending the conversation the way they wanted it to end.

Maybe just cut him a bit of slack and accept that sometimes he has to cut phonecalls short without time for lots of good byes and love yous etc.

Maybe a customer was glaring at him? I know I would be if I was in a hurry and the shopkeeper spent his work time making personal phone calls. I have nearly been late for work before now because I just couldn't get served, despite being the only customer in the shop. I also find it terribly irritating to be served with someone who is not giving me his full attention because he is busy sorting out his personal life. I would not hesitate to let someone know this and to take my custom elsewhere. So maybe it was me in the shop

Dh and I have a rule that we respect each other's work hours and only phone if something really urgent is happening (like 'got to take dd to A&E, can you pick ds up from school'). I work from home but would be really irritated if he did not respect that work time is for work and personal matters like weekend plans is what you spend your spare time on.