Age Gap & Long Distance

[Lcs11]

Hey so I’m a F27 and I’m dating M45. It’s long distance and we’ve been dating for 6 months, due to the nature of our jobs (we travel) we see each other usually every 2/3/4 weeks.

At the start I could tell he was really into me, always arranging the next date or promising to look at schedules so we can fit each other in. We’ve had some of the best dates together. When we’re apart we usually check in on each other but not constant texting, however we usually speak atleast every 24 - 48 hours.

I must admit I had an awful relationship prior to this which was abusive (however that ended almost 2 years prior to us dating and I have dated since) and I went into this with no expectations. He always reassured me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me and see if it would develop into a relationship. However, the past couple of months i think there’s been a slight decrease in his effort / attention towards me. I put it down to the nature of the relationship changing and us being more comfortable, but I can’t help the niggling feeling that he’s just not into my anymore - I could analyse every aspect of the relationship / the changes that have occurred and drive myself insane but I’m trying not to.

He’s a decent, honest guy from which I have gathered. He has mentioned being insecure of his own age in the past and committing to a relationship again (he is divorced but civil with ex), but has said our age gap doesn’t bother him, nor does it me. A couple of weeks ago we had this deep conversation about our insecurities / where we want the relationship to go (he said about making a go of things between us) but taking the pressure off. He also has 3 fabulous children with his ex and did mention a situation ongoing which is stressing him out in regards to work & his home life - I think this may have potentially had an impact too.

The last I saw him we had a fabulous 3 days together, the first 2 being full of laughs and affection. On the last day I was feeling emotional, confused and was a bit off as we’d had a wonderful time but I didn’t know where I stood with him. I admitted to having strong feelings (which he knew) and I was afraid of getting my heart broken, etc. It was as if he didn’t want to talk about it.

In hindsight I feel I may have pushed him away and as a hormonal female I feel silly for reacting in that way last week.
He did make sure I got home ok after and we’ve text briefly the next couple of days. He’s now gone away again for a couple of days and I haven’t heard from him. I don’t want to seem needy by reaching out but is this his way of telling me he doesn’t want to talk to me?

I’m aware a lot of my thoughts are probably down to my age and different texting styles, etc but I’ve never felt like this before. Also I just feel his affection/care over text is minimal these days, in person I can’t notice a big change.
Thankyou from a huge over thinker & fearful-avoidant over here x

You're 27. What do you want from a relationship in the long term? If it's parenthood then I think it would be a really bad choice to continue this relationship to be honest.

Tbh, it doesn’t sound as he wants to make a committed relationship right now., A more casual, up every few weeks-type of relationship is what he wants at the moment. Is that also what you want? If not, he may not be the right person for you.

It may be he just enjoyed spending time with you on a casual basis but now he sees you are really into him and he is distancing himself.

He is at a different life stage. Maybe he doesn't want to start over with Family #2.

Honestly, let it go. Find someone closer to your own age. This gap is far too big. There are really no benefits to marrying someone this much older with three children already. It's not going to be an easy ride, his kids will probably hate you and make your life as difficult as possible. They must cost him a fortune which means less in the pot for your own family should you want one with him. Plus by the time you are absolutely in your prime as a woman he'll be an old man who will not be able to attack life at the same pace you still can.

My mum is only 19 years older than me and now she's elderly the difference between us in terms of her mobility, balance, health, cognitive function, energy, attitude is huge. Her personal hygeine is going downhill fast and she seems oblivious.

In the last couple of years she's become so much 'older' in herself and much more needy to the point where she's a worry and will soon become a bit of a burden if I am honest. Even the length of time it takes her to tell a simple anecodote is driving me potty. She's just lost her all her sharpness.

But she's my mother so it's to be expected. Do you want to feel that way one day about your husband one day?

I can’t understand why at 27 you would want to take on so much baggage. That point aside, if you have only been together 6 months and of that time only spent every few weeks together for a few days, this is not a lot of time to really know a person. Is there likely to be an end in sight to his travelling? Are you ok with this lifestyle? How do his children feel about you? How is he spending time with his children if he is always travelling?

There is so much more to consider than just if you like each other. Is there actually foundations for this to realistically progress into a proper relationship.