A viagra one…

[WhatToDoNowEh]

I think I’m just sense checking myself….
Married, both mid forties, really happy together. Found viagra in his drawer, not hidden but not on show if you get me. I don’t have any concerns that it’s not for me as we have a good sex life and it’s important to us. Zero cheating suspicions.
My gut says to mind my business and not mention it…. I think the other side of me says if there’s something going on I want to support and not put any pressure on him. Thoughts?

I cant imagine for one minute that my DH would start taking any medication without discussing it with me first because of the possible side effects etc. Now you have found it you have to ask. Its not about putting pressure on but if he is having issues is this from his gp? have they checked for other health conditions etc.

He may just be embarrassed and is hoping you'll bring it up (no pun intended) after finding the meds.

I think that’s my worry @mummymeister, it is properly prescribed after the right health checks. From a Google I can see that one can obtain it online with a ‘consultation’

My ex bought it but I think it was to use with his affair partner as I'm not sure he ever took it with me

You cam buy it in Boots. I would ask him about it, but in a supportive "you can tell me anything " way.

I'd keep quiet about it. If he wanted to tell you, he wood (sorry). Maybe he will when he's ready. But I would probably keep a close eye on the number of them and see if they get depleted in line with your sex life.

Have you noticed him having any ED issues in the past?

‘Dave, I found some viagra in your drawer. Should I get a couple of glasses of Chardonnay into me and gird my loins?’

This is a joke obviously, and it depends on your relationship, but my DP and I will often use humour to raise any queries. While the above question may be a bit crass for some people, it is a good way to raise something that bothering you in a non judgemental and supportive way. You’re showing you don’t mind if he wants/needs to use viagra and that you’re open to a conversation about it.

When I found DH's "secret" Viagra, I felt tricked. It isn't something one half of a partnership should choose to introduce to the most intimate part of a relationship without being honest.

Tricked? Should a man feel the same way if his wife uses a lubricant?

Well does he go floppy after climax or
does he stay hard? That's your answer I'd say

Why should it bother you? Personally, I'd put it back in the drawer, ignore it and let him use it when he needs to

I just look upon it as a legal recreational drug. If there is nothing to suggest anything else going on, l would be quite relaxed about it.

There is no need for him to discuss everything and as someone suggested up thread, he may be a little embarrassed about needing it.

Not true really, I'd say it's 50/50 for me that Viagra makes any difference to how long the erection stays after climax.

As for the OP not knowing about it, I don't think we can really say whether it's nefarious or due to embarrassment, my only perspective is that my wife knows I have it, but I don't always tell her each time when I've taken it, as I don't want her to feel I'm expecting/pressurising her to have, sex, but sometimes I like to take it as early as possible and then let sex happen as 'spontaneously' as possible, or not, as the case may be.

Thank you all, I really do appreciate the views. I think I’ll watch and wait for now, but it has made some things make a bit more sense. I often felt like things could feel ‘planned’ but he’s a very detailed and organised sort of person anyway. We def do have occasions where it’s spontaneous and he wont have had time to take it, so maybe it’s just for those ‘we’re kid free let’s have an early night wink wink’ times.

My DH sells it to lads at work as they're too embarrassed / worried to buy it and get it sent to their house for fear of being found out. Not cheating, just don't want their partners to know for what ever reason.

I can understand how someone might feel tricked.

We have used V in the past for fun and it does make things last longer, sometimes too much longer and it can be annoying.

If I was with someone and they took a long time to finish and I found out it was artificial I would feel pissed off and viagra-fished.

Its not comparable to lubricant.

Hellopello3 - I genuinely don't understand 'viagra-fished'? I can't speak for everyone, but Viagra doesn't change my emotions, my desire, my libido, my attraction to my partner, my love, my lust, my sexuality or my commitment, my ability to climax - it only allows my penis to have a full erection.

I'm not being contrary, I just don't get the thinking, for me it is very comparable to lubricant as it's a practical, functional thing to facilitate a particular form of sex

Lube and Viagra both help fix a difficulty.

Is it Viagra, or sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra? The latter is often prescribed for pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure) - if it’s the brand viagra then there may be a number of reasons why he has it.

he might use it recreationally and infrequently to spice things up. Many men do this as it gives them extra confidence.

Viagra doesn’t changed anything emotionally, just physically, and even then for the majority of men it ONLY helps with erections, and rarely makes them
last longer or stay hard after climaxing.

no man wants to have issues in this department, so it is common for them to be embarrassed and keep it a secret from their partners. If you do ask him, be very gentle and supportive as ED is soul destroying, it breaks relationships and affects mental health. I’ve been there myself.

good luck!

I wouldn't say anything. It's up to him. My ex used it and I knew he did. My DP uses Cialis (which tbh I would say is better as the effects last for 36 hours so you don't need to 'plan'). I saw it in his bathroom, I knew anyway due to his erection not going away after climax but I have no problem with it. It's probably embarrassment that's keeping him from telling you. Unless you think he's using it elsewhere say nothing. He wants to have sex with you and feel confident about doing so. Why interrogate him about it?