Shallow bf

[lemonadecar]

I’ve been going out with someone for a few years. We’re both divorced with kids and were friends before. He has a problem with shallowness and it is getting to me. He can’t say I love you and shuts down if I have any problems or deeper feelings. He also likes to talk in jokes
all the time and can be very insensitive. What do you think this is? What’s wrong with him? His comfort zone is with people who are frothy and light — so if ever we have a problem he just gravitates to chat to the next ultra smiley woman. I like him other than this and his actions are caring and kind.

This is easy.

He's a twat and a Fuckwit.

Congratulations!

OK, well, that's who he is. He's not going to stop being shallow and talking in jokes.

Most people have good points and bad points, sounds like he does too. You get to find his bad points a deal-breaker though. Personally I'm not one to talk about my "deeper feelings" too much but I'm not sure I could be with someone who avoided them to this extent. It makes sense that you found him OK as a friend but not as a partner.

You get to end it if it's not working out for you, basically.

He is the way he is.
It doesn't really matter why he is this way. Maybe he's afraid of diving into deeper emotions. Maybe he's never learned how to handle them. Maybe the humour is a self defense mechanism.
But in the end, you have to decide whether you can live with him, the way he is. It's alright to want something more from life. But he probably won't change, so it's up to you to pull the plug.