Hello,
Just wondered if anyone had been in the same position I was in. I'm 52 now and married at 25. I had worked hard at uni and in the early years (well, still do) of my career for security after growing up on social security with my divorcee mother. My father left when I was 8 and I had no contact with him (he died when I was 27). My elder siblings (male) were a lot older than me and had left home by the time I turned 4 so I was, effectively, an only child.
I was also quiet. Not now, but was as a teen/young woman. As a result of this, I didn't mix with the boys and didn't really have a boyfriend. I lost my virginity to a lovely looking (older) man at 19 - I now realise that my hormones were crazy and I was doing what comes natural. Turned out he had a pregnant girlfriend at home!! I was told by one of his family members. It shattered me. I had to take a year out of my studies as a result. I met my husband (also ten years older) on the bus on the way to my work placement through university. Anyway, we got ok and would chat every time we were on the same bus. He asked me out and well that was that. However, I knew he didn't knock me out in the 'oh I fancy him like mad' and I didn't get those butterfly feelings about him. None the less, he was a good man and I knew he was safe. We married. We travelled and did stuff we both enjoyed. It was great as I had grown up on a council estate and was used to an annual holiday in Scarborough! Here I was in Western USA and Canada! I came to realise that I could've done this on my own as I had a good career.
Sex was awful. Dull. No passion. No spark. He was just on and off in minutes. No kissing. We had two children miraculously! I became sad about it all and, in time, I knew that I wasn't attracted to him. The marriage became sexless. He never complimented me either but other men did - still do.
I felt lonely. I didn't confide in anyone. Not even my mother (RIP). Over a decade went by and I had no affection in my marriage at all. I lived with it. I'd accepted that I'd married this man and had to see it through, for better or for worse. We'd go out for days out but that was all it was. I was the breadwinner too and had strived to move up in my career and he stayed where he was. That bothered me too. I also carried the can at home, sorting out all of the childcare and jobs at home etc. So, I had the burden of a stressful/responsible job, two kids, an elderly mother to care for and the housework/admin.
I ended my marriage a few years ago. Menopause hit. I couldn't stand it anymore. Also, another man came into my life who blew me away. Completely different to my husband and I started to think I'd been very naive to marry at 25 with little experience. The passion and affection I have had from this man has been amazing and I absolutely adore him.
I feel like I have lost many years of my life in the wrong relationship. However, I still feel guilty at ending the marriage - even though I wasn't happy. It bugs me. He was a nice person but not a nice fit, if that makes sense.
Has anyone else had this? What did you do in the end?