Hand hold break up

[Robinredbrest]

Just looking for a hand hold.
Partner of 22 years has just left me. We have young primary aged children. Been together all our adult lives.
We had been having issues since before Christmas and had gone to counselling to sort things out. I subsequently and very predictably found out he was having an ongoing affair which had started about when our relationship began to collapse. He has very much followed the script in terms of saying he has been unhappy for years. However, initially he stayed with me and said he wanted to work things out, made lots of promises, lots of emotion, still sleeping together, felt as positive as could be. I have held it together in this time for the hope of our relationship and for the children even though I have been broken inside.
I found out recently that he was actually still seeing the other woman in this whole period.
On this coming out he has told me that he actually wants to be with her and doesn’t see us working, all his words have been trying to rejuvenate something that has gone. He is still being really loving and physically close to me. But he’s leaving me today.
Just looking for advice, kind words, optimism.

You need to.put yourself and your children first. Let him.go. You will cope and eventually flourish. Get all the dupport uou can from.family and friends. He has betrayed you . Know your worth. Take care OP

Focus on yourself and the kids. He’s a selfish git who does what he pleases.

In time you’ll be glad he’s gone. In the meantime, take each day as it comes and look after yourself and the kids.

Change your self talk. And the way you talk to him. Look at him for who he truly is, not who you want him to be, look at his actions, not his words. His actions show him to be a cheating, lying, deceitful toad. He is capable of huge amounts of dishonesty and deception. Is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with? A liar and a cheat? Tell him that actually, he isn’t leaving you, you are leaving him because you deserve a person with integrity, which he is clearly lacking. Let him go and find his greener grass and he will probably find that actually, it’s Astro turf and it burns his arse!!
Focus on you and DC, grey rock this cheating loser and talk only about the practicalities of money and the dc. No emotion what so ever. Once it finally dawns on him that the loving, safe home he had is gone, he will more than likely realise he can’t have his cake and eat it and come slithering back. At which point you say “no, thank you, I deserve a better person than you”. Because the truth is, you do. Good luck xxxx

Please don't do the pick me dance.
Utterly Butterly has summed everything extremely well.

I'm so sorry Op, it is devastating I know.

Surround yourself with good friends. Harden your heart towards him.

Get legal advice asap.

Good luck.

I'm really sorry OP. Your understated distress comes through clearly in your words. It's a shit situation that many, many go through in their marriage. The things is there's not a lot you can do about him, as he is all loved up and excited by the prospect of a new woman. The only thing you can do is how you react to it and UtterleyButterley's advice is excellent. Please stop letting him get physically close to you.

There are lots of other threads on MN about udultery. Read them to help you understand how he's following 'The Script' and to help you deal with a way forward without him.

This.
Hes also being 'nice' so it makes it comfortable for him... selfish

How dare he be physically close to you when he is sleeping with someone else ! He is enjoying that 2 women want him , do not allow that. Hard as it is just discuss finances and the dc with him.